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An increasing number of children have become hooked on fast food and aerated drinks that do not provide much nutrition. This poor diet has led to a rise in obesity among children. What are the problems that are associated with obesity in children and what steps could be taken to prevent it?

An increasing number of children have become hooked on fast food and aerated drinks that do not provide much nutrition. This poor diet has led to a rise in obesity among children. What are the problems that are associated with obesity in children and what steps could be taken to prevent it? 0OnB
The increase in consumption of junk food and carbonated drinks has caused children to put on extra weight, which leads to obesity. Firstly, this essay will explain the drawbacks of children being overweight, and secondly, it will describe the solution to avoid such situation. To embark upon, eating food such as burgers and pizza which have the minimum amount of the nutrition, and are less hygienic, often weakens the immune system, which results in more diseases affecting the children's health. For example, it has been observed that children eating more from restaurants, tend to get sick more than those who eat at their homes. In addition, it has been medically proven that obesity brings laziness in the children. They are not able to perform well in studies, as well as don't take part in physical activities, which ultimately affects their health. However, there are some methods to stop children from eating unhealthy food. Parents could play a role in letting children eat at home, by making the dishes of their choice. Children usually want to eat from outside because they don't get to eat what they like, at their homes. For instance, it has been noticed that, children usually tend to eat from outside because they are tired of eating routine food done at their homes. Furthermore, school syllabus should include such subjects which educate children about the benefits of eating at home. These subjects should teach them about the effects of eating a diet full of nutrition, and should also describe the consequences of eating restaurant food. To conclude, obesity causes adverse health effects such as weaker body’s defence mechanism, and causes laziness in children which would affect them in the long time. On the other hand, parents could do their part to let their children stay away from less hygienic food, and children should be taught at school about the health advantages of eating food at home.
The increase in consumption of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and carbonated drinks has caused
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to put on extra weight, which leads to obesity.
Firstly
, this essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the drawbacks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
being overweight, and
secondly
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
the solution to avoid such situation.

To embark upon,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
such as burgers and pizza which have the minimum amount of the nutrition, and are less hygienic,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
weakens the immune system, which results in more diseases affecting the children's health.
For example
, it has
been observed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
more from restaurants, tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sick more than those who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
at their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
.
In addition
, it has been
medically
proven that obesity brings laziness in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They are not able to perform well in studies,
as well
as don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in physical activities, which
ultimately
affects their health.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
methods to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. Parents could play a role in letting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
at home, by making the dishes of their choice.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
usually
want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
from outside
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
what they like, at their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
.
For instance
, it has
been noticed
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
usually
tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
from outside
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are tired
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
routine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
done at their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
.
Furthermore
, school syllabus should include such subjects which educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
at home. These subjects should teach them about the effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
a diet full of nutrition, and should
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
the consequences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
restaurant food.

To conclude
, obesity causes adverse health effects such as weaker body’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
mechanism, and causes laziness in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
which would affect them in the long time.
On the other hand
, parents could do their part to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
stay away from less hygienic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be taught
at school about the health advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
at home.
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IELTS essay An increasing number of children have become hooked on fast food and aerated drinks that do not provide much nutrition. This poor diet has led to a rise in obesity among children. What are the problems that are associated with obesity in children and what steps could be taken to prevent it?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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