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An increase in people's life expectancy means they have to work longer tobpay for their retirement. One option is that people start working at a young age is this choice a positive or a negative development?

An increase in people's life expectancy means they have to work longer tobpay for their retirement. One option is that people start working at a young age is this choice a positive or a negative development? k5nmW
It is sometimes argued that rapidly increasing the number of inhabitants expectancy they have to extend their work growth. However, some choose to work at young age because expectations are surging every day and it is also important to fulfill our desires. I strongly agree with this development and I think this is a positive growth in upcoming generation my point of view will be justify in the upcoming paragraph. On the one hand, the main reason for believing this is that firstly, entering job in early age help them financially and improve their wealthyness as they age. Undoubtedly, younger people's are energetic anf facionating and also innovative. However, they do theit office task well and able to do multiple task. Indeed their activeness or focusing skill help them to achieve their goals. Secondly, they likely to climb the career leader in few years. Although their income rose and help them in their old age. On the other hand, senior citizens start working late and not advance in their careers, while young people would be more advanced because they get opportunity to choose job at early age. In other words, thwy acquire alot of knowledge when they work in alternative fields. However, they meet new peoples and adapt various skills from their workmates and peers. Because they choose independently living, they do everything without fear it gives them experience for life. Finally, their wages continue rise and they enjoy to live their life nonetheless, young people enjoy job and live life fullest. In conclusion, I tend to believe that start job at young age is beneficial for teenagers when they age. Moreover, earning earlier and living happily in the future is a positive improvement.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
argued that
rapidly
increasing the number of inhabitants expectancy they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
extend their work growth.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
choose to work at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
expectations are surging every day and it is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to fulfill our desires. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this development and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
growth in upcoming generation my point of view will be
Consider using the past participle "justified"?
justify
in the upcoming paragraph.

On the one hand, the main reason for believing this is that
firstly
, entering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
financially
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
Possible spelling mistake found.
wealthyness
as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
Undoubtedly
, younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's are energetic
Possible spelling mistake found.
anf
Possible spelling mistake found.
facionating
and
also
innovative.
However
, they do
Possible spelling mistake found.
theit
office task well and able to do multiple task.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Indeed
their activeness or focusing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to achieve their goals.
Secondly
, they likely to climb the career leader in few years. Although their income rose and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age.

On the other hand
, senior citizens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
working late and not advance in their careers, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would be more advanced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
opportunity to choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
at early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
In other words
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
thwy
acquire
Possible spelling mistake found.
alot
of knowledge when they work in alternative fields.
However
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
new peoples and adapt various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
from their workmates and peers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they choose
independently
living, they do everything without fear it gives them experience for life.
Finally
, their wages continue
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
rise and
they enjoy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their life nonetheless,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
life fullest.

In conclusion
, I tend to believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is beneficial for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
Moreover
, earning earlier and living
happily
in the future is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
improvement.
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IELTS essay An increase in people's life expectancy means they have to work longer tobpay for their retirement. One option is that people start working at a young age is this choice a positive or a negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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