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All high school should be encouraged to take part in comunity service programs

All high school should be encouraged to take part in comunity service programs Mlbn9
All high school students should be encouraged to take part in community service programs. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement. I think that a perfect education system not only give student information, but also help them take part in a community service program. So in my opinion, all high school students should be encourages to spend time to do it as studying. On the one hand, there are many reasons to explain for this choice. The first reason that, A student has the opportunity to take part in extracurricular activities, which improve soft skill and know more than a student just study. Joining in community program will help student refresh their self, have a significant time after a tired time at school. It helps students avoid playing electronic games, or do anything harmful to health. Also, it makes a quiet student become a dynamic student. On the other hand, Student should have a schedule to balanced between study and join in extract activities. Take part in too much community programs will make students not to focus on the study, or too tired to do homework and housework, … In conclusion, that is a great ideal to encourages student take part in community program. However it should be balanced with another activities that can give a good result.
All high school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be encouraged
to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
service programs.

To what extent do you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
or disagree with this statement.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that a perfect education system not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
information,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
service
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
in my opinion, all high school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should be
Consider using the past participle "encouraged"?
encourages
Did you mean "spending"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'encourage' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to spend
time to do it as studying.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
for this choice. The
first
reason that, A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
has the opportunity to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
in extracurricular activities, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
and know more than a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
study. Joining in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
refresh their self, have a significant time after a tired time at school. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
avoid playing electronic games, or do anything harmful to health.
Also
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a quiet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
become a dynamic student.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Student
should have a schedule to balanced between study and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
in extract activities. Take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
in too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
not to focus on the study, or too tired to do homework and housework, …

In conclusion
,
that is
a great ideal to encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
it should
be balanced
with another activities that can give a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
result.

IELTS essay All high school should be encouraged to take part in comunity service programs

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
222 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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