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Advertising with Cable Communications Corp is the most effective way to increase a company s profits Recently Adams Car Dealership began advertising with Cable Communications and over a subsequent 30 day period the dealership s sales rose 15 over sales th

Advertising with Cable Communications Corp is the most effective way to increase a company s profits Recently Adams Car Dealership began advertising with Cable Communications and over a subsequent 30 day period the dealership s sales rose 15 over sales th QLME9
The argument that the income of a company would increase after an advertising campaign with Cable Communication Corp may seem logical at first glance. However the author have not explained exhaustively some main points as the general trend in car sales and the real reasons of customers’ satisfaction. Therefore, the argument is fundamentally flawed and unconvincing. First, the writer assumes that the last month increase of the income of the Adams Car Dealership is totally related to the advertising campaign they have started. Even if it could have brought some benefit to the company is not totally correct to assume that it is the main reason of the improvement in sales. In fact, it may be possible that the general car sales business had a great success during the last period. If that were true, there would be no relationship between the quality of the service offered by Cable Communication Corp and the benefits received by the car firms. For this reason, without any additional data about the trend of car sales in that region it is difficult to analyze the real effect caused by the advertisement campaign. Additionally, the writer has not provided any evidence that the satisfaction rate of Adams consumers is a direct benefit of the advertisement campaign. In fact, it would be possible that the quality of the service and of the products provided by the car dealership has always been higher than the one provided by the concurrence and thus that their clients have always been more satisfied. If this hypothesis were true, this evidence would not help at all to support the main argument, that would result even more flawed. Furthermore, if some confrontation between the successes of Cable Communication and the ones of other advertisement company has been made in the short article, it would be easier to understand whether the service they provide is good or not. In conclusion, the author is not necessarily mistaken in stating that making an advertisement campaign with Cable Communication Company could give some benefits to the business of a firms. However, to fully support the assertion that it represents the best way to do it, more information would be required. In fact, it is almost impossible to consider the business evolution of a single company without looking also to the business of the other ones working in the same field. Moreover, more historical data about the customers satisfaction have to be provided to make clear the benefits that have been supplied directly from the company’s campaign.
The argument that the income of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
would increase after an advertising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
campaign
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Communication
Corp may seem logical at
first
glance.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
the author have not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
exhaustively
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
main points as the general trend in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
and the real reasons of customers’ satisfaction.
Therefore
, the argument is
fundamentally
flawed and unconvincing.

First
, the writer assumes that the last month increase of the income of the Adams
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Car
Dealership is
totally
related to the advertising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
campaign
they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
.
“Even if” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Even if
it could have brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is not
totally
correct to assume that it is the main reason of the improvement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
. In fact, it may be possible that the general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
had a great success during the last period. If that were true, there would be no relationship between the quality of the service offered by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Communication
Corp and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
received by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
firms.
For this reason
, without any additional data about the trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
in that region it is difficult to analyze the real effect caused by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
campaign.

Additionally
, the writer has not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provided
any evidence that the satisfaction rate of Adams consumers is a direct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
campaign
. In fact, it would be possible that the quality of the service and of the products
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provided
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
dealership has always been higher than the one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provided
by the concurrence and
thus
that their clients have always been more satisfied. If this hypothesis were true, this evidence would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
at all to support the main argument, that would result even more flawed.

Furthermore
, if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
confrontation between the successes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Communication
and the ones of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
has
been made
in the short article, it would be easier to understand whether the service they provide is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or not.

In conclusion
, the author is not
necessarily
mistaken in stating that making an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
campaign
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Company
could give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
of
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a firm" or simply "firms"?
a firms
.
However
, to
fully
support the assertion that it represents the best way to do it, more information would
be required
. In fact, it is almost impossible to consider the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
evolution of a single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
without looking
also
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
of the other ones working in the same field.
Moreover
, more historical data about the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "customers'" or "customer's"?
customers
satisfaction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provided
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
that have
been supplied
directly
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
campaign
.
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IELTS essay Advertising with Cable Communications Corp is the most effective way to increase a company s profits Recently Adams Car Dealership began advertising with Cable Communications and over a subsequent 30 day period the dealership s sales rose 15 over sales th

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
420 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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