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Advertising influences people's behavior in a negative way.

Advertising influences people's behavior in a negative way. VwWK3
Today’s world is growing at a very fast speed in all sectors whether it is computer science, biotechnology or aeronautical engineering. In this era the process of product development has become fast and effective. Because of this efficient development in production system everyday different kind of products are coming in to the market which are part of life of a general human being. The second phase after the development system is to generate interest in people to buy the product. For generating this attraction advertising is the best way which attraction in people for the product. The main mediums of advertising now a days are television, internet, banners, newspapers etc. But the major concern is whether these advertisements are really helpful for people or it makes people to go in a wrong way. Advertising generally have a negative effect in people’s mind. As people just see the things presented to them they have never used the product on their own. Sometimes people are attracted to buy the product because the advertising is done so effectively that they are impressed by it. After buying the product and using it they finds that the thing they saw in the advertisement is not really the way it is. Moreover people face the main problem for beauty products. Sometimes because of the ad seen on television people may be attracted towards a product that is not much important to their life of those may create negative impacts on the body. Furthermore Medicine advertises shown in such a way that leads people to a thought that we don’t need a doctor for health problems. The advertises of medicine like aspirins are shown as a quick pain relief for headache. But it is dangerous to take it for a long period of time or to take in more quantity. The side effects of taking more does of aspirin are not shown to the people in advertisement which may really lead people to take aspirins whenever they face the headache. Finally advertise of cigarettes shows a man smoking a cigarette as a confident and a successful person. This will create a wrong effect on teenagers and youth. Generally advertises are seen on television and in those advertisements the positive parts of product are shown but the negative impacts of those products on human body are not shown. Just like a hair color advertises they show the shiny hair when the hair colors of their company are used. Now after seeing the advertise on television the customer buys the product. But when the instructions are read on that it is found that it may also cause side effects on skin depending on the skin, which is not shown in the advertisement. As a conclusion advertising directs people in a wrong way by directing them to buy wrong product so advertising has a negative effect on society.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
’s world is growing at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
speed in all sectors whether it is computer science, biotechnology or aeronautical engineering. In this era the process of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
development has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and effective.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
of this efficient development in production system everyday
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are coming in to the market which are part of life of a general human being. The second phase after the development system is to generate interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
. For generating this attraction advertising is the best way which attraction in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
. The main mediums of advertising
Did you mean "nowadays"?
now a days
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
, internet, banners, newspapers etc.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the major concern is whether these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are
really
helpful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to go in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wrong
way.

Advertising
generally
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
mind.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the things presented to them they have never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are attracted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the advertising
is done
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
effectively
that they
are impressed
by it. After buying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
and using it they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "find"
finds
that the thing they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
is not
really
the way it is.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
face the main problem for beauty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the ad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may
be attracted
towards a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
that is
not much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to their life of those may create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
impacts on the body.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
Medicine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertises
shown in such a way that leads
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that we don’t need a doctor for health problems. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertises
of medicine like aspirins
are shown
as a quick pain relief for headache.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
to take it for a long period of time or to take in more quantity. The side effects of taking more does of aspirin are not shown to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
which may
really
lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to take aspirins whenever they face the headache.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertise
of cigarettes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
smoking a cigarette as a confident and a successful person. This will create a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and youth.
Generally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertises
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
parts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
are shown
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
impacts of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
on human body are not shown.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
like a hair color
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertises
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the shiny hair when the hair colors of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
after seeing the
The word 'advertise' is a verb. Did you mean the noun "advertisement"?
advertise
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
the customer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buys
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
when the instructions
are read
on that it
is found
that it may
also
cause side effects on skin depending on the skin, which is not shown in the advertisement.

As a conclusion advertising directs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wrong
way by directing them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
advertising has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
on society.
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IELTS essay Advertising influences people's behavior in a negative way.

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
478 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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