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Advertisements of Junk food have a great impact on children and their parent. So, these advertisements should be banned. Do you agree or Disagree?

Advertisements of Junk food have a great impact on children and their parent. So, these advertisements should be banned. pPm2
Advertisement has become an essential influencer in today’s life. Although, I understand the impact of advertisement of Junk food on parents and their little ones, however, I agree to the same should be banned in totality. To have a better understanding let us discuss below as why this banned is justified. First, not only Junk food is injurious to health but also has an issue with being addicted to the same. In today’s world, when children watch the advertisement and happen to visit the shopping mall they recall the advertisement and force their parents for the junk food. Moreover, the essence of its quality is questionable. I have come across numerous instances where junk food has led to food poisoning for the little children. Last month my nephew was insisting on having McDonalds Burger which came in the advertisement a day before. He went along with me to the nearby store and had the piece of junk food. Within no time he started having stomach problems which was a result of the junk food. Secondly, the children after watching the advertisement which personates a cartoon character wishes to be like their favorite cartoon character. For instance, my nephew is a huge fan of spiderman and likes to have spiderman cakes. Last week he was having a quarrel with my mother to take him for the spiderman cake which she did not agree to. Apparently, he locked himself in his room for more than an hour which was very rude behavior. Notwithstanding, he is a good kid however I am afraid that his aggressive behavior is an outcome of the advertisement of junk food which he always wants to have. To conclude, it can be said that I completely support the view that junk food either can lead to health hazard or it have make the children more addicted to the junk food as a result of lucrative advertisement.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Advertisement
has become an essential influencer in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s life. Although, I understand the impact of
The usual collocation for "advertisement" is "for" not "of". Did you mean "advertisement for"?
advertisement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
on parents and their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
ones,
however
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to the same should
be banned
in totality. To have a better understanding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us discuss below as why this banned
is justified
.

First
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is injurious to health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
has an issue with
being addicted
to the same. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
and happen to visit the shopping mall they recall the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
and force their parents for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Moreover
, the essence of its quality is questionable. I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across numerous instances where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
has led to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
poisoning for the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Last month my nephew was insisting on having
Did you mean the fast food chain "McDonald's" (always spelled with a possessive apostrophe)?
McDonalds
Burger which came in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
a day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. He went along with me to the nearby store and had the piece of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. Within no time he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
having stomach problems which was a result of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
food.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
after watching the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
which
Possible spelling mistake found.
personates
a cartoon character wishes to be like their favorite cartoon character.
For instance
, my nephew is a huge fan of
Possible spelling mistake found.
spiderman
and likes to have
Possible spelling mistake found.
spiderman
cakes. Last week he was having a quarrel with my mother to take him for the
Possible spelling mistake found.
spiderman
cake which she did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to.
Apparently
, he locked himself in his room for more than an hour which was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
rude behavior. Notwithstanding, he is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
kid
however
I am afraid that his aggressive behavior is an outcome of the
The usual collocation for "advertisement" is "for" not "of". Did you mean "advertisement for"?
advertisement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which he always wants to have.

To conclude
, it can
be said
that I completely support the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
either can lead to health hazard or it
Did you mean "has"?
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more addicted to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
as a result
of lucrative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
.
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IELTS essay Advertisements of Junk food have a great impact on children and their parent. So, these advertisements should be banned.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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