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Advertisement influences the way we buy things. Is this a positive or negative development? Should children be taught about advertisements at school?

Advertisement influences the way we buy things. Is this a positive or negative development? Should children be taught about advertisements at school? o8PV9
In recent years, the effective method of buying items has been influenced by advertisements for many people. This helps to improve the knowledge of particular products, and this transformation can be seen as a positive development in the community as well as it  must be taught in the curriculum for further education. To start with, this trend has had many positive benefits for people. One of the obvious benefits is that people can update their knowledge about the products. In other words, when an advertisement really guides people to purchasing good products through their explanation, it could avoid the confusion related to items. As a result, it helps people to attain knowledge about products. For example, a study revealed that 90% of people encourage advertisements because they think it is useful. Hence,  advertising is the most important thing for people to better understand things. Nevertheless, the role of advertising should be compulsory in education because children should know about the adverse effects, such as providing false information about the product. To be precise more,   people can manipulate advertisements in order to achieve publicity for certain branded products. It could lead to competition in the field. For instance, a study showed that 65% of advertising product details are wrong. Consequently, from school, children must know the negative impact of advertisements on the community. In conclusion, even though advertisements have many strengths and drawbacks, children must be taught about the negative and positive aspects of the role of advertising in society
In recent years, the effective method of buying items has
been influenced
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the knowledge of particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, and this transformation can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development in the community
as well
as it
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taught
in the curriculum for
further
education.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, this trend has had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. One of the obvious benefits is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can update their knowledge about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
In other words
, when an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
really
guides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to purchasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
through their explanation, it could avoid the confusion related to items.
As a result
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to attain knowledge about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
For example
, a study revealed that 90% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is useful.
Hence
,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
advertising is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to better understand things.

Nevertheless
, the role of advertising should be compulsory in education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
children should know about the adverse effects, such as providing false information about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
. To be precise more,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can manipulate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
in order to achieve publicity for certain branded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. It could lead to competition in the field.
For instance
, a study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that 65% of advertising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.
Consequently
, from school, children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
know the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
on the community.

In conclusion
,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
strengths and drawbacks, children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taught
about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of the role of advertising in society
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IELTS essay Advertisement influences the way we buy things. Is this a positive or negative development? Should children be taught about advertisements at school?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
248 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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