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Advantages and disadvantages technology change the way children spend their free time

Advantages and disadvantages technology change the way children spend their free time M3OJ9
Due to current development of technologies in this digital age, the appearance of various inventions have made a paradigm shift in the way youthful people spend their leisure time. Despite many benefits that children may get from it, technologies still have negative impact on children. This essay will talk about both sides. On the one hand, there are lot of advantages for children deriving from technology. First of all, most children are into playing games which can increase their cognitive function. For instance, there are games that require methods to go through missions, which would stimulate children’s creativity such as Minecraft, a really popular game. Moreover, with advanced devices and equipment, children can be exposed to a lot information through the internet. For instance, Tiktok, which is available for all age group, has countless positive and useful content for children to learn from. In contrast, it can not be denied that let kids use technologies also can bear a high risk. Initially, starting spending time in early ages may conducive to obesity. One prime example, since playing games only requires a few operations but still bring excitement, children do not fell it need to do another activities anymore, which thought lead to laziness and affect negatively to the health later on. In addition, it would be a waste of time whether children spend all of free time on playing meaningless games which do not conducive to any benefits at all. In conclusion, it is undeniable that technologies are beneficial for children in multiple aspects. Though it really depends on how wisely do children do to take full use of it
Due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
in this digital age, the appearance of various inventions have made a paradigm shift in the way youthful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
spend their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
still
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This essay will talk about both sides.

On the one hand, there are
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
advantages for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
deriving from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are into playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which can increase their cognitive function.
For instance
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
that require methods to go through missions, which would stimulate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
creativity such as Minecraft, a
really
popular game.
Moreover
, with advanced devices and equipment,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
be exposed
to
If you mean a great quantity, use "a lot of information"?
a lot information
through the internet.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tiktok
, which is available for all age group, has countless
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and useful content for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn from.

In contrast
, it can not
be denied
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
also
can bear a high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
.
Initially
, starting spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in early ages may conducive to obesity. One prime example, since playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
requires a few operations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
bring excitement,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not fell it need to do another activities anymore, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
lead to laziness and affect
negatively
to the health later on.
In addition
, it would be a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend
Consider using "all free" or "all of the free".
all of free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on playing meaningless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which do not conducive to any benefits at all.

In conclusion
, it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
are beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in multiple aspects.
“Though” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Though
it
really
depends on how
wisely
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do to take full
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
it
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IELTS essay Advantages and disadvantages technology change the way children spend their free time

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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