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Advantage outweigh disadvantage: Some Museums charges fee while other don't

Advantage outweigh disadvantage: Some Museums charges fee while other don't QLLYL
Many museums ask for entry fee, on the contrary, others are completely free of cost. According to me, free entry in the museum brings more advantages than disadvantages. this essay further elucidates my view points. Museums are the place where historical things are preserved to let us know about our ancient culture that what people used to wear, weapons they used when they went for wars and their lifestyles etc. Each individual has the right to see such kind of places. If we are not being charged to visit museums then those who cannot afford charges can also visit such places. Even schools can plan to take their students to museum and tell them about the uniqueness of our country and some practical things which were actually happened in the past. On the other hand, some arguments can be made that there should be some charges to visit the museums because, high maintenance is required to keep the assets of our country safe. Moreover, security is major concern, so that no one can theft the antiques of our country. Therefore, by charging a fee, museum can generate some revenue to improve the place effectively to attract people. However, government is doing a lot to preserve our heritage. It is often noticed that the ambience of museums that charges fee is better than who do not in terms of places, management and information. In summary, citizens have very fewer opportunities to access vitally signigicant places to learn history, science, art and many other essential subjects. Therefore free entrance of museums have numerous and long term benefits.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
entry fee,
on the contrary
, others are completely free of cost.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
, free entry in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
brings more advantages than disadvantages.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
essay
further
elucidates my view points.

Museums are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
where historical things
are preserved
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us know about our ancient culture that what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to wear, weapons they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
when they went for wars and their lifestyles etc. Each individual has the right to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
such kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. If we are not
being charged
to visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
then those who cannot afford charges can
also
visit such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. Even schools can plan to take their students to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
them about the uniqueness of our country and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
practical things which were actually happened in the past.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
arguments can
be made
that there should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
charges to visit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, high maintenance
is required
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the assets of our country safe.
Moreover
, security is major concern,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that no one can theft the antiques of our country.
Therefore
, by charging a fee,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
can generate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
revenue to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
effectively
to attract
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is doing a lot to preserve our heritage. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
noticed that the ambience of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
that charges fee is better than
Did you mean "whom"?
who
do not in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
, management and information.

In summary, citizens have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
fewer opportunities to access
vitally
Possible spelling mistake found.
signigicant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
to learn history, science, art and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other essential subjects.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
free entrance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
have numerous and long term benefits.
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IELTS essay Advantage outweigh disadvantage: Some Museums charges fee while other don't

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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