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According to the “World Health Organization”, all international travel should end until the coronavirus has gone. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

According to the “World Health Organization”, all international travel should end until the coronavirus has gone. PVR6j
In this day of the COVID-19 pandemic, the World Health Organization claims that there must have a hault to every countries of the outbound tourism. From my perspective, I completely agree with this solution of disease preventing. To begin with, stopping travel would conduce to the safety of each person. Firstly, the risk of infection might considerably be reduced by the act of forcing traveling due to the less face-to-face contact and the minor virus spread by transporting. There is no insurance that the foreign people are not infected by the viruses so it would lead to a great threat for people if the overseas traveling were continuing. Secondly, it also involves others security from coronavirus if one person does not obey the rules of travel forbiddance. Hence, the disease spread need preventing by each resident as well as the whole society in order to assure the public health. Besides, the governments’ change in tourism tends to spark off some advantages. The more health insurance of the citizens, the fewer burdens weights the authorities. The national health is viewed to be protected in the best term if the country produces laws to halt some or all international travel. According to many researches, the countries that stop outbound travel such as Vietnam, North Korean, might have less infected cases in this pandemic. Additionally, besides the essentially saving citizens from the dangerous viruss, the successful result of banning international flights would also gain the other countries’ outlook in the disease time. Notwithstanding, it is crucial for governments to halt all the oubound flights in the onset of pandemic but there are a range of overseas residents or the cargo transport of essential medical, food and other supplies, which should not be stopped. All in all, there is no denying of forbidding outbound tourism in this day, nevertheless, it is not enough to prevent the disease. I believe it bases on each person to be solidary to stop this covid-19 pandemic.
In this day of the COVID-19 pandemic, the World Health Organization claims that there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have a
Possible spelling mistake found.
hault
to every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "country"?
countries
of the outbound tourism. From my perspective, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this solution of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
preventing.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, stopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
would conduce to the safety of each person.
Firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of infection might
considerably
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by the act of forcing traveling due to the less face-to-face contact and the minor virus spread by transporting. There is no insurance that the foreign
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are not infected by the viruses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it would lead to a great threat for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
if the overseas traveling were continuing.
Secondly
, it
also
involves others security from coronavirus if one person does not obey the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
Possible spelling mistake found.
forbiddance
.
Hence
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
spread need preventing by each resident
as well
as the whole society in order to assure the public health.

Besides
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in tourism tends to spark off
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages. The more health insurance of the citizens, the fewer burdens weights the authorities. The national health
is viewed
to
be protected
in the best term if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
produces laws to halt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
or all international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
researches, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
outbound
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
such as Vietnam, North Korean, might have less infected cases in this pandemic.
Additionally
,
besides
the
essentially
saving citizens from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "viruses", the plural form of the noun 'virus'?
viruss
, the successful result of banning international flights would
also
gain the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries’
outlook in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
time.

Notwithstanding, it is crucial for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to halt all the
Possible spelling mistake found.
oubound
flights in the onset of pandemic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are a range of overseas residents or the cargo transport of essential medical, food and other supplies, which should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
.

All in all, there is no denying of forbidding outbound tourism in this day,
nevertheless
, it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
. I believe it bases on each person to be
Possible spelling mistake found.
solidary
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
this
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
covid-19
pandemic.
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IELTS essay According to the “World Health Organization”, all international travel should end until the coronavirus has gone.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
328 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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