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According to many experts the world is currently in the grip of an obesity epidemic. Discuss the factors you think are contributing to this problem, along with how they may be countered.

According to many experts the world is currently in the grip of an obesity epidemic. Discuss the factors you think are contributing to this problem, along with how they may be countered. rNkl
Todays world, obesity more common than before and it seems like to became one of the main problem in the future. Do you think that what is the cause of difference between past and today? Lots of issue come into your mind, but all of them can be cure, if necessary precautions are taken by authorities and citizens. First reason why obesity seen on bigger proportion of citizen than before in today is stable life style and work conditions. Thanks to developed technology people reach lots of opportunities easily such as easy transportation, feeder and quality foods; on the other hand it stimulates them to live as pschcially inactive working in front of screen too much. Secondly food industries developed to compansete to these new life styles’ demands; person works too much on desk, so they have not got enough time to cook or eat conventional food, In that condition packaged cooks and fast-food is became major alternative. Food additives, preventing from spoil and increasing nutritive value, has curial role to expand these sectors, but they have lots of adverse effect unless use in healthy limit. It is known that some of them cause obesity disrupting human’s hormonal systems. In order to overcome these problems person should be aware of the status and try to change their life styles in this case govermets should take responsibility on education to children. Important point is young peoples because in the future world they would more inactive than us. Everyone should care yourself by eating healthier and doing sports well also companies which has thousands of employees stimulate worker to be active by sportive activities. The other problem can not be solved by person, because food policies regulated by government, so food additives rules and penalties should be so hard. No one can continue industrial live after damaged citizen’s health. In conclusion, rising of obesity seems to inevitable, however, it can be stoped by some effort performed by government and persons. Some one thought that obesity is not so important problem as we mentioned however they would be agree with us when half of the humanity became obes, but it would be to late, so we should be alert of the condition and take action immediately.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Todays
world, obesity more common than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
and it seems like to became one of the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
in the future. Do you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that what is the cause of difference between past and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
? Lots of issue
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
into your mind,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
all of them can be
Consider using a past participle here: "cured".
cure
, if necessary precautions
are taken
by authorities and citizens.

First
reason why obesity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
on bigger proportion of citizen than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is stable life style and work conditions. Thanks to developed technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
reach lots of opportunities
easily
such as easy transportation, feeder and quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
;
on the other hand
it stimulates them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
as
Possible spelling mistake found.
pschcially
inactive working in front of screen too much.
Secondly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
industries developed to
Possible spelling mistake found.
compansete
to these new life styles’ demands;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
works too much on desk,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they have not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to cook or eat conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, In that condition packaged cooks and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-food is
Consider using a past participle here: "become".
became
major alternative.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Food
additives, preventing from spoil and increasing nutritive value, has
Possible spelling mistake found.
curial
role to expand these sectors,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they have lots of adverse effect unless
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in healthy limit. It
is known
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them cause obesity disrupting human’s hormonal systems.

In order to overcome these
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "problems'" or "problem's"?
problems
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
should be aware of the status and try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
styles
in this case
Possible spelling mistake found.
govermets
should take responsibility on education to children.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Important
point is young peoples
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in the future world they would more inactive than us. Everyone should care yourself by eating healthier and doing sports well
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
which has thousands of employees stimulate worker to be active by sportive activities. The other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
can not
be solved
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
policies regulated by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
additives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and penalties should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
. No one can continue industrial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
after damaged citizen’s health.

In conclusion
, rising of obesity seems to inevitable,
however
, it can be
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "stopped", the past tense form of the verb 'stop'?
stoped
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
effort performed by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
.
Did you mean "Someone"?
Some one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that obesity is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
as we mentioned
however
they would be
Consider using the past participle "agreed"?
agree
with us when half of the humanity became
Possible spelling mistake found.
obes
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it would be
Did you mean "too"?
to
late,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we should be alert of the condition and take action immediately.
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IELTS essay According to many experts the world is currently in the grip of an obesity epidemic. Discuss the factors you think are contributing to this problem, along with how they may be countered.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
373 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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