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A woman should not be allowed to work once she is married. Do you agree?

A woman should not be allowed to work once she is married. Do you agree? jB1L
Nowadays, everyone struggles to achieve excellence in their lives including married women. However, people keep normalizing the thoughts that a woman should be a housewife after marriage rather than having their own career. I firmly believe that women should be allowed to work after they got married because they can have their own income and they can achieve their dreams. Firstly, women should be allowed to work after they got married because they can have their own income. They will not burden their family by depending solely on their husband’s income. For example, if they want to buy something, they can use their own money without asking for permission from their husband. Furthermore, when women have their own career, they can help their own family financially because the cost of living today is much higher than before. This clearly shows that women can help their husband in terms of financial if they are allowed to work after they are married. Besides, married women should be allowed to work because they can achieve their dreams in life. Nowadays, we can see women are well-educated and very ambitious, then they should have the right to have a good job even if they are married. Women should utilise/use their education and qualifications to a good cause even after tying the knot. Moreover, women are able to set a good example for their children by working to achieve their dreams. Hence, it is clear that women can pursue their dreams is the reason why they should work even though they are married. Ultimately, I strongly disagree with the statement that a woman should not be allowed to work once she is married because there is needs for the married women to have their own saving and to be a role-model for others. It is hoped that women’s dreams should not end with marriage and they should work hard to obtain their goals and make their family proud of them.
Nowadays, everyone struggles to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
excellence in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
including married
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
normalizing the thoughts that a woman should be a housewife after marriage
rather
than having their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
career. I
firmly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
married
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
income and
they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dreams
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
married
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
income. They will not burden their family by depending
solely
on their husband’s income.
For example
, if they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
something, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
money without asking for permission from their husband.
Furthermore
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
career, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
family
financially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the cost of living
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is much higher than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. This
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their husband in terms of financial if they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after they
are married
.

Besides
, married
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dreams
in life. Nowadays, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are well-educated and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
ambitious, then they should have the right to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job even if they
are married
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
should
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
/
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their education and qualifications to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
cause even after tying the knot.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are able to set a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example for their children by working to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dreams
.
Hence
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can pursue their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dreams
is the reason why they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
even though
they
are married
.
Ultimately
, I
strongly
disagree with the statement that a woman should not be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
once she
is married
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Did you mean "there are needs"?
there is needs
for the married
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
saving and to be a role-model for others. It
is hoped
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dreams
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
with
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
marriage and
they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to obtain their goals and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their family proud of them.
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IELTS essay A woman should not be allowed to work once she is married. Do you agree?

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
325 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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