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A visit to theater in the mall

A visit to theater in the mall o5kVD
Its being so long when i had visited to the theater. Today on the auspicious day of my mother's birthday our family planned the get-together in a aura of splendid divinty of the Deepak Open Theater. We had reached thre at about two hours before the shedule of movie time as we had planned the dinner there also with it the live music program was the complimentary one which seems to be the toppings on our entire gala session. after that we reached the theater room the room was actually packed at the time we had reached there all were exited about the movie as soon as movie starts the crowd applauds the entry scene of the actor. In short it was the amazing and worthwhile experience visiting there.
Its being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
long when
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
had visited to the theater.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
on the auspicious day of my mother's birthday our family planned the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
-together in
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
aura of splendid
Possible spelling mistake found.
divinty
of the Deepak Open Theater. We had reached
Possible spelling mistake found.
thre
at about two hours
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
shedule
of movie time as we had planned the dinner there
also
with it the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
music program was the complimentary one which seems to be the toppings on our entire gala session.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
after
that we reached the theater room the room was actually packed at the time we had reached there all were
Did you mean "excited" (=enthusiastic) instead of 'exited' (=gone away)?
exited
about the movie as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as movie
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
the crowd applauds the entry scene of the actor. In
The comma is probably missing here: "short, it".
short it
was the amazing and worthwhile experience visiting there.
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IELTS essay A visit to theater in the mall

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
129 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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