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A Trip which I had taken and I don't like

A Trip which I had taken and I don't like lj7A1

Well, I found of travelling and i love explore different place in different part of India. Here I am talk about a trip which I take oftenly but I don't like. The name of this place is kangra which is located in Himachal pardes. it is our nabour state and also hill station. My maternal grandparents live there. moreover I go there to provide basic needs and other expenses. My parents give me responsibility to take care of them. there are no one to take care of them. so I go there to fulfill there basic needs because they can not to do job or business.

Well, I found of travelling and Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.I
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :admireadore
love
 explore This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:various
different
 place in This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:various
different
 part of India. Here I am talk about a trip which I take Possible spelling mistake found.oftenopenlyoftenerrottenly
oftenly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:on the contrary
but
 I don't like. The name of this place is Possible spelling mistake found.angryhangarSandramantraAgraKara
kangra
 which is located
 in Himachal Possible spelling mistake found.paradesparespadresparses
pardes
. This sentence does not start with an uppercase letterIt
it
 is our Possible spelling mistake found.nab our
nabour
 state and also
 hill station. My maternal grandparents This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :reside
live
 there. Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?moreover,
moreover
 I go there to provide basic needs and other expenses. My parents give me responsibility to take care of them. This sentence does not start with an uppercase letterThere
there
 are no one to take care of them. Use a comma before 'so' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short)., so
so
 I go there to fulfill there basic needs This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:due to the factin light of the fact thatowing to the fact that
because
 they can not to do job or business. 

IELTS essay A Trip which I had taken and I don't like

Essay

American English

1 paragraphs

106 words

This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1

4.0

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
?
One main idea per paragraph
Include an introduction and conclusion
Support main points with an explanation and then an example
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Vary your linking phrases using synonyms

Lexical Resource: 5.5

Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
Check your writing for errors

Task Achievement: 5.0

Answer all parts of the question
?
Present relevant ideas
Fully explain these ideas
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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