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A story about a precious gift

A story about a precious gift PEjyw

So now my litter daughter, this necklace was inherited to me by my grandmother and its inherited to you. I hope you take care of it carefully. remember that you should never separate it from yourself cause your life will become meaningless. This necklace may not be magical or without any supernatural power, but forever it has been like this to me and it has filled my life with luck. it is really what you potentially need in your life Behind this eye caching design there are some precious and costly expenses and memories that it would take a long time to gather them together

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:consequently
So
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :nowadays
now
 my litter daughter, this necklace was inherited
 to me by my grandmother and Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?it'sit is
its
 inherited to you. I hope you take care of it carefully
. This sentence does not start with an uppercase letterRemember
remember
 that you should never separate it from yourself cause your life will become meaningless. This necklace may not be magical or without any supernatural power, This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:on the contrary
but
 forever it has been like this to me and it has filled my life with luck. This sentence does not start with an uppercase letterIt
it
 is really
 what you potentially
 need in your life

Behind this eye caching design there are This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:a number of
some
 precious and costly expenses and memories that it would take a long time to gather them Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraphtogether.together!together?together:together,together;
together

IELTS essay A story about a precious gift

Essay

American English

1 paragraphs

104 words

This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1

4.0

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
?
One main idea per paragraph
Include an introduction and conclusion
Support main points with an explanation and then an example
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Vary your linking phrases using synonyms

Lexical Resource: 6.5

Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
Check your writing for errors

Task Achievement: 5.0

Answer all parts of the question
?
Present relevant ideas
Fully explain these ideas
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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