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A section of society believes that fixed retirement age for all, nonetheless the occupation, is unreasonable.

A section of society believes that fixed retirement age for all, nonetheless the occupation, is unreasonable. I strongly agree with this argument. Over the course of this essay, I will provide reasons for such an agreement and will also discuss categories of professionals who could benefit from early retirement. There are various reasons why people believe that flexible retirement age is necessary. The primary reason is that occupations which require great physical and mental strength are susceptible to huge stress and physical injuries. Therefore people in such occupations should be allowed to retire early with full benefits. Decisions like these will help people in such professions to live a healthy life. Another reason is that some jobs demand the highest level of skill sets. For example, sportsmen and athletes are required to perform consistently and remain at the pinnacle of their skills throughout their career. With age creeping in, reflexes become weak and legs start to tire. Therefore it is important that such professionals, who have brought laurels for the country be allowed to retire with benefits and give way to young blood. When it comes to retirement, one size fits all is a utopian and should be seriously reconsidered. There are two types of workers who would benefit from early retirement. One section of workers is those whose job demands great physical strength and agility at all times. For example, army men and sportsmen who need to be at the top of their game throughout their career. Another section would be workers who are under constant mental pressure. Jobs that are mission-critical such as air traffic control demand superior mental agility and alertness. Consequently, such jobs take a toll on people’s mental health. Therefore it is necessary to provide early retirement options to such professionals. Having considered a range of arguments, I have concluded that flexible retirement age is a practical and sensible idea. From professions ranging from physical strength to mental agility, early retirement benefits both the organisation and the individual; a win-win situation for all.
A section of society believes that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
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retirement
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age
for all, nonetheless the occupation, is unreasonable. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this argument. Over the course of this essay, I will provide
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reasons
for such an agreement and will
also
discuss categories of professionals
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who
could
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benefit
from
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early
retirement.

There are various
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reasons
why
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people
believe that flexible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is necessary. The primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that occupations which require great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
strength are susceptible to huge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
injuries.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
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people
in such occupations should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to retire
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early
with full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
. Decisions like these will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in such professions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a healthy life. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
demand the highest level of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
sets.
For example
, sportsmen and athletes
are required
to perform
consistently
and remain at the pinnacle of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
throughout their career. With
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
creeping in, reflexes become weak and legs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to tire.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that such professionals,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have brought laurels for the country be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to retire with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
and give way to young blood. When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
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retirement
, one size fits all is a utopian and should be
seriously
reconsidered.

There are two types of workers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
. One section of workers is those whose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
demands great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
strength and agility at all times.
For example
, army
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and sportsmen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
need to be at the top of their game throughout their career. Another section would be workers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are under constant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
pressure.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Jobs
that are mission-critical such as air traffic control demand superior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
agility and alertness.
Consequently
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
take a toll on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
health.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
it is necessary to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
options to such professionals.

Having considered a range of arguments, I have concluded that flexible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is a practical and sensible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. From professions ranging from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
strength to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
agility,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
both the
Possible spelling mistake. ‘organisation’ is British English.
organisation
and the individual; a win-win situation for all.
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IELTS essay A section of society believes that fixed retirement age for all, nonetheless the occupation, is unreasonable.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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