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a large number of advertisements nowadays are now targeted at children. Many people believe that this has negative effects on children and should therefore be banned. Do you agree or disagree?

a large number of advertisements nowadays are now targeted at children. Many people believe that this has negative effects on children and should therefore be banned. 6Rjr
It is argued that advertisements today aim at children. Some people believe that is should be stopped because it has a negative impact on children. Even, I agree with this view and will explain my reasons below. Firstly, toddler seems to be very attractive towards advertisements. It is because advertisements use animation videos to market their products and to children it is like real world for them. For example, the walking teddy bears, flying cars, speaking and dancing dolls, magic world, children do not take eyes of such advertisements. Consequently, they force their parents to shop for these products without knowing the value and high prices of products and it effects the parent and children relationship. Secondly, such advertisements leads the children’s lifestyle unhealthy. When children watch unhealthy food items in advertisements they try to grab those food to eat instead of healthy food items. For instance, sometimes children’s favorite cartoon characters show eating chocolates, pizza, sweets which allure kids easily. As a result, at early age children feel weak, sick and having dental issues. However, some people think that advertisements that has negative impact on children should not be banned because this is one of the best platform to market the products. Without advertisement no one can be aware what new items or products are launched. Children’s items like alphabetic puzzles which is helpful for kids to learn alphabets to enhance their learning ability practically. In conclusion, I would reiterate that advertisements should be banned because it attracts the kids to copy whatever is shown in the advertisements and leads an unhealthy lifestyle.
It
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
aim at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
Did you mean "it"?
is
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Even, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my reasons below.

Firstly
, toddler seems to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
attractive towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
animation videos to market their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
it is like real world for them.
For example
, the walking teddy bears, flying cars, speaking and dancing dolls, magic world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not take eyes of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
.
Consequently
, they force their parents to shop for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
without knowing the value and high prices of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and it effects the parent and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
relationship.

Secondly
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
leads the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
lifestyle unhealthy.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
unhealthy food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
they try to grab
Did you mean "this food" or "those foods"?
those food
to eat
instead
of healthy food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
favorite cartoon characters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
eating chocolates, pizza, sweets which allure kids
easily
.
As a result
, at early age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
feel weak, sick and having dental issues.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
that has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not
be banned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this is one of the best platform to market the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. Without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
no one can be aware what new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are launched
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
like alphabetic puzzles which is helpful for kids to learn alphabets to enhance their learning ability
practically
.

In conclusion
, I would reiterate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
should
be banned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it attracts the kids to copy whatever
is shown
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
and leads an unhealthy lifestyle.
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IELTS essay a large number of advertisements nowadays are now targeted at children. Many people believe that this has negative effects on children and should therefore be banned.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
264 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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