Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

A great number of kids are obliged to stay at school and study courses that they will not benefit from when they are older.

A great number of kids are obliged to stay at school and study courses that they will not benefit from when they are older. ljM5X
A great number of kids are obliged to stay at school and study courses that they will not benefit from when they are older. Some people claim that since these children may cause a disruption to most of their calssmates, they should have the option to leave school early in order to start working. I agree with this view, since I believe that by leaving earlier these children will get the chance to start developing themselvs in more productive ways and that not doing so may cause them to be involved in negative incidents. Firstly, in my opinion, certain children are not suitable to the educational system and instesd of wasting their time and maybe talent on things they are struggling with, and that will not help them in the future they can start finding their path in life earlier. It is important to remember that school is not for everyone, meaning not every child can sit in the classroom for 9 hours a day. Children can be highly talented in things that are not taught in school ( such as, technology, mechanics, computers sport, music) and if they will be allowed to leave earlier they may find and develop their talent. Secondly, It is a well- established fact that children who are board, tend to suffer more conduct problems (for example fights). This may result in different punishments, and at the end even suspention and dropout from school. This is why I believe that to forbidde them to leave early will just cause the opposite consequenses. In conclusion, In my opinion, certain children should be allowed to leave school early since this will give them time to find their strengthes, and also protect them from being involved in negative behavior as a result of their bordem.
A great number of kids
are obliged
to stay at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and study courses that they will not benefit from when they are older.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that since these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may cause a disruption to most of their
Possible spelling mistake found.
calssmates
, they should have the option to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
early in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
working. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view, since I believe that by leaving earlier these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
developing
Possible spelling mistake found.
themselvs
in more productive ways and that not doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
may cause them to
be involved
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
incidents.

Firstly
, in my opinion, certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are not suitable to the educational system and
Possible spelling mistake found.
instesd
of wasting their time and maybe talent on things they are struggling with, and that will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in the future they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
finding their path in life earlier. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to remember that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is not for everyone, meaning not every child can sit in the classroom for 9 hours a day.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
can be
highly
talented in things that are not taught in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
such as, technology, mechanics, computers sport, music) and if they will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
earlier they may find and develop their talent.

Secondly
, It is a well- established fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are board, tend to suffer more conduct problems (
for example
fights). This may result in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
punishments, and at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
even
Possible spelling mistake found.
suspention
and dropout from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. This is why I believe that to
Possible spelling mistake found.
forbidde
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
early will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
cause the opposite
Possible spelling mistake found.
consequenses
.

In conclusion
, In my opinion, certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
early since this will give them time to find their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "strengths", the plural form of the noun 'strength'?
strengthes
, and
also
protect them from
being involved
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
behavior
as a result
of their
Possible spelling mistake found.
bordem
.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay A great number of kids are obliged to stay at school and study courses that they will not benefit from when they are older.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts