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only Money can bring happiness. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

only Money can bring happiness. to what extent do you agree or disagree? pRMx0
In recent years, our society has been changed and develop a lot of modern lifestyles. To enjoy those facilities, masses need wealth or any kind thing which use for trad. A group of people have thought pleasure depends on wealth. This essay will illustrate how money is behind happiness, although something is bought with help money. I partially agree with this statement. To begin with, wealth brings equipment of joy. These days, peoples have a bundle of desires which only buy with money. For example, a man is living in hot weather where the temperature is higher than his ability. If he has money, then he can buy air condition that gives some nice feeling. In addition, hunger is a serious issue in some countries where they need food, but without wealth, they cannot eat it. Also, some kind of medical problem to solve needs money. Like in some developing countries, they are usually not going to the hospital because they do not have money. While with we can not buy everything. There is a lot of things which can not get by wealth. In our society, that made by relationships and that is not available for sale. For instance, the family is the cause of our jubilation, we can not buy, but we buy some products for our family. Secondly, friends who are partners of our joyful childhood however we cannot get with money. In conclusion, funds are used to buy facility which gives happiness and also improve our living style. Conversely, cash does not buy some significant relation.
In recent years, our society has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
and develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
modern lifestyles. To enjoy those facilities, masses need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
or any kind thing which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for trad. A group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
pleasure depends on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
. This essay will illustrate how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is behind happiness, although something is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
brings equipment of joy. These days, peoples have a bundle of desires which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
For example
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
is living in hot weather where the temperature is higher than his ability. If he has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, then he can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
air condition that gives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nice feeling.
In addition
, hunger is a serious issue in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries where they need food,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
, they cannot eat it.
Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of medical problem to solve needs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Like in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
, they are
usually
not going to the hospital
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
with we can not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
everything.

There is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things which can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
. In our society, that made by relationships and
that is
not available for sale.
For instance
, the family is the cause of our jubilation, we can not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
products for our family.
Secondly
, friends who are partners of our joyful childhood
however
we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
with money.

In conclusion
, funds are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
facility which gives happiness and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our living style.
Conversely
, cash does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
significant relation.
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IELTS essay only Money can bring happiness. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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