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A friend has invited you to a party but you will not be able to attend. Write to your friend. In your letter Tell your friend you can't come Explain why you are unable to attend Arrange another time to meet v.2

A friend has invited you to a party but you will not be able to attend. Write to your friend. In your letter Tell your friend you can't come Explain why you are unable to attend Arrange another time to meet v. 2
In a patriarchal society like our current social structure, the fact that men do most of the high-level jobs has become such a common concept which inevitably forces women to take a back seat in the workplace. This reality has created an imbalance in the working system around the world that raises the question of whether the higher authority should encourage a certain percentage of these high-level jobs to be reserved for women. In my viewpoint, the government definitely should take immediate action on this issue to establish a positive work environment for women, especially for female employees who are easily ignored in male-dominated jobs. First and foremost, many women have to endure gender inequality in their workspaces which prevents them from getting a promotion to a higher position. This is because there are many pervasive stereotypes of society which deem women as unproductive workers such as being incapable of controlling their emotions or being less intelligent than their male counterpart. As a result, men are effortlessly trusted to take over a top position in companies, institutions or parliaments while women do not have the same privilege. According to EU Statistics in 2019, only 17. 6% of executives and 6. 9% of CEOs were women in the workforce. Secondly, women are not confident enough to compete against men for a higher position because they perceive themselves as a minority in their workplace, in contrast with the overwhelming dominance of male employees. This issue makes women subconsciously underestimate their abilities whenever they encounter a chance to reach for the top in the labour force, while they are generously qualified to handle the high-level jobs. For example, American sociologists have observed that 57% of men entering the workforce out of college are negotiating their first salary, while only 7% of women are doing the same even though they possess excellent qualities. In other words, women have to face more challenges than men to move up to positions of prominence and power and therefore discourage them to pursue these opportunities. In conclusion, it must be said that the problem of addressing the gender segregation between male and female in a workplace is deeply contentious, even create more conflicts when offering the option to reserve high-level jobs for women. Despite this matter, our society must face the truth that women are mostly ill-treated in the labour force and they should be aided by their lawmakers to have the same privilege as men at work. It is not unrealistic to expect that the rates of successful women in the workforce will rise once the government gives the necessary support to assist them.
In a patriarchal society like our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
social structure, the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
do most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high-level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
has become such a common concept which
inevitably
forces
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to take a back seat in the workplace. This reality has created an imbalance in the working system around the world that raises
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
the question of whether
the higher authority should encourage a certain percentage of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high-level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
to
be reserved
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. In my viewpoint, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
definitely should take immediate action on this issue to establish a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
work environment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
,
especially
for female employees who are
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
in male-dominated jobs.

First
and foremost,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
endure gender inequality in their workspaces which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
them from getting a promotion to a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pervasive stereotypes of society which deem
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
as unproductive workers such as being incapable of controlling their emotions or being less intelligent than their male counterpart.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are
effortlessly
trusted to take over a top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, institutions or parliaments while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
do not have the same privilege. According to EU Statistics in 2019,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
17. 6% of executives and 6. 9% of CEOs were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in the workforce.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are not confident
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to compete against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
for a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they perceive themselves as a minority in their workplace,
in contrast
with the overwhelming dominance of male employees. This issue
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
subconsciously
underestimate their abilities whenever they encounter a chance to reach for the top in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
force, while they are
generously
qualified to handle the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high-level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
For example
, American sociologists have observed that 57% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
entering the workforce out of college are negotiating their
first
salary, while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
7% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are doing the same
even though
they possess excellent qualities.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face more challenges than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
up to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
of prominence and power and
therefore
discourage them to pursue these opportunities.

In conclusion
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be said
that the problem of addressing the gender segregation between male and female in a workplace is
deeply
contentious, even create more conflicts when offering the option to reserve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high-level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. Despite this matter, our society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
face the truth that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
mostly
ill-treated in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
force and
they should
be aided
by their lawmakers to have the same privilege as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
at work. It is not unrealistic to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
that the rates of successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in the workforce will rise once the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
gives the necessary support to assist them.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay A friend has invited you to a party but you will not be able to attend. Write to your friend. In your letter Tell your friend you can't come Explain why you are unable to attend Arrange another time to meet v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
437 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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