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A few people debate that technological inventions like cell phones are making people socially less interactive. To what extend do you agree with this statement

A few people debate that technological inventions like cell phones are making people socially less interactive. To what extend LrLNn
Recent reserches shows thta as a result of rapid increase in the field of technology and the innovations of electronic gadgets makes people less interactive with others. I agrees with this statement and in the following paragraphs I intend to put forth my arguments to support my views. Firstly, the inventions of elctronic equipments plays a tremendous change in the human life style, whereas he can access everything in his fingertip. In the past people often visit parks, restaurants, cinemas to spend his leisure time, but now he can watch movies through his mobile phone or laptops. Also he can order foods through online applications like zomato, uber eats, swiggy from his favorite restaurant itself. This makes people more idler because they get everything in front of him without spending time but all they need nothing but money! The after effect is that people never met each other and they do not even know who is living in his neighbour house and the helping mentality between the human becomes degraded. Man become physically and mentally unstable by using these gadgets, for example previously children goes to play ground to play cricket, foot ball, basket ball and it was a great exersice for them so that they can survive from many diseases but today children and youth stuck at home with their mobile phones and play online games like pubgy, farmille which never gives any physical exercise to them. They are getting addicted to these days day by day, also they may affected to severe head ache. On the other hand it can also be argued about the positive side of using these kind of electronic gadgets. It is irrefutable that there are some advantages on these new inventions like we can save our time in public places like railway station by booking the railway tickets in advance through online. Also some youngsters started “helping organisation” and they have connection all over the state by creating groups in social medias like watsapp, facebook, telegram and their main aim is to donate blood, food, dresses to whom it is needed. In the year 2017 Kerala was affected with flood which was an unexpected disaster for all the Keralites. During flood many people loose their house, dresses, at that time they get help from every part of the world and youngsters plays a vital role by using their mobile phones. They create groups and add many people in that, also they post their requirements so that they got help when ever needed. In conclusion the invention of mobile phones proved many advantages to the society however it gives social gap between people and given rise to the feeling of isolation among people.
Recent
Possible spelling mistake found.
reserches
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
Possible spelling mistake found.
thta
as a result
of rapid increase in the field of technology and the innovations of electronic gadgets
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
less interactive with others. I
Possible agreement error -- use base form here: "agree".
agrees
with this statement and in the following paragraphs I intend to put forth my arguments to support my views.

Firstly
, the inventions of
Possible spelling mistake found.
elctronic
equipments
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plays
a tremendous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the human life style, whereas he can access everything in his fingertip. In the past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
visit parks, restaurants, cinemas to spend his leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
he can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
movies through his mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
or laptops.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
he can order foods through online applications like
Possible spelling mistake found.
zomato
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
uber
eats,
Possible spelling mistake found.
swiggy
from his favorite restaurant itself.
Did you mean "these"?
This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Use only "idler" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more idler
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
everything in front of him without spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
all they need nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
money! The after effect is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
never met each
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
other and
they do not even know who is living in his
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbour' is British English.
neighbour
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and the helping mentality between the human becomes degraded.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Man
become
physically
and mentally unstable by using these gadgets,
for example
previously children goes to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
ground to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
cricket, foot ball, basket ball and it was a great
Possible spelling mistake found.
exersice
for them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can survive from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
children and youth stuck at home with their mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
online games like
Possible spelling mistake found.
pubgy
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
farmille
which never gives any physical exercise to them. They are getting addicted to these
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "days'" or "day's"?
days
day by day,
also
they may
The verb 'may' requires the base form of the verb: "affect"
affected
to severe head ache.

On the other hand
it can
also
be argued
about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side of using
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of electronic gadgets. It is irrefutable that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages on these new inventions like we can save our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in public places like railway station by booking the railway tickets in advance through online.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
“helping
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
” and they have connection all over the state by creating groups in social medias like
Possible spelling mistake found.
watsapp
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
facebook
, telegram and their main aim is to donate blood, food, dresses to whom it
is needed
. In the year 2017 Kerala was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
with flood which was an unexpected disaster for all the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Keralites
. During flood
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Did you mean "lose" (= miss, waste, suffer the loss etc.)?
loose
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, dresses, at that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from every part of the world and youngsters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plays
a vital role by using their mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
. They create groups and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in that,
also
they post their requirements
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
when ever needed.

In conclusion
the invention of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
proved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages to the society
however
it gives social gap between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
rise to the feeling of isolation among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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IELTS essay A few people debate that technological inventions like cell phones are making people socially less interactive. To what extend

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
449 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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