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A few people believe that teach information about own country is more important for children instead of other nations history.Are you agree or disagree with this statement?

A few people believe that teach information about own country is more important for children instead of other nations history. Are you agree or disagree with this statement? PLddg
A small number of individuals oppose that it is more imperative to teach offsprings about their own nation rather than other nations. I firmly agre with this view and discuss in forthcoming paragraphs. To commence with, it is crucial for children to know about the history of the nation because history give them important knowledge about past days. learning history was important in past days also. As children sent to gurukul for learning literature of their country and they become more close to their nation. while, in contemporary days offsprings are influenced towards western culture since they prefer to see western movies and become deattach from their culture. so, if toddlers learn about the history of their nation, it eill be helpful for them to love their nation. The work done by masses in past days also stimulate the children to give their best. Thus, learning literature of their own country is beneficial for juvenilas Moreover, the written literature may be beneficial for children in their future also. To explain it a plethora of inventions are based on the information which scientists found in old books. Furthermore, doctors and lawyers can learn various things from literature. For example, in old literature they can learn all the mistakes done by doctors during surgery and this will helpful for other doctors that which things should be pervent while operation. Hence, written literature is helpful for individuals To conclude, although the advancement in science are increasing day by day, learning literature is also imperative for juveniles. higher authorities should promote history in the academics of students.
A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
number of individuals oppose that it is more imperative to teach
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
rather
than other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. I
firmly
Possible spelling mistake found.
agre
with this view and discuss in forthcoming paragraphs.

To commence with, it is crucial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to know about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
give them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
knowledge about past days.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in past days
also
. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
gurukul
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
of their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
country and
they become more close to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
while
, in contemporary days
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
are influenced
towards western culture since they prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
western movies and become
Possible spelling mistake found.
deattach
from their culture.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
so
, if toddlers learn about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
, it
Possible spelling mistake found.
eill
be helpful for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
. The work done by masses in past days
also
stimulate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to give their best.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country is beneficial for
Possible spelling mistake found.
juvenilas


Moreover
, the written
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
may be beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in their future
also
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
it a plethora of inventions
are based
on the information which scientists found in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
books.
Furthermore
, doctors and lawyers can learn various things from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
.
For example
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
they can learn all the mistakes done by doctors during surgery and this will helpful for other doctors that which things should be
Possible spelling mistake found.
pervent
while operation.
Hence
, written
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
is helpful for individuals

To conclude
, although the advancement in science are increasing day by day,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
is
also
imperative for juveniles.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
higher
authorities should promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
in the academics of students.
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IELTS essay A few people believe that teach information about own country is more important for children instead of other nations history. Are you agree or disagree with this statement?

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
263 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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