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A Country Becomes More Interesting When Its Population Includes A Mixture Of Nationalities | Band 8 IELTS Essay Sample

A Country Becomes More Interesting When Its Population Includes A Mixture Of Nationalities | Band 8 IELTS Essay Sample e5E2W
Ever since the dawn of industrialization, ethnic landscape of many developed and developing nations has changed remarkably. It is often argued that diversity of races brings social harmony and makes a country richer in social and economic aspects. I completely agree with this viewpoint. This essay will explain the reasons by analyzing the copiousness of the culture brought in by different nationalities. To start with, the more diverse the ethnic landscape of country, the richer the culture becomes. For instance, there are several nationalities living in Singapore and this leads to hundreds of different cuisines throughout the country. So a European can indulge in Indian and Pakistani food, whereas an Indian can enjoy western food. Similarly a country with many nationalities enjoys different festivals like Deepavali, Christmas, Hari Raya etc. These festivals bring joy to the society and help others to understand the culture of other nationalities. In the process other nationalities start to embrace the culture of their fellow citizens which creates beautiful social harmony and mutual respect for each other. Besides, many researchers have established the fact that a diverse work culture is likely to flourish faster than a monolithic work force. Different countries have their own strengths and weaknesses. For example, Asians are taught mathematics from very early age and are genuinely good at it, while the Europeans are known for their engineering skills. Hence the amalgamation of cultures always benefits the country’s growth and overall well-being. To conclude, having a mixture of different nationalities living together leads to the enrichment of culture and faster growth of a country. It is expected that many countries will benefit from this in future.
Ever since the dawn of industrialization, ethnic landscape of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
developed and developing nations has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
remarkably
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that diversity of races brings social harmony and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
richer in social and economic aspects. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this viewpoint. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the reasons by analyzing the copiousness of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
brought in by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
nationalities.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, the more diverse the ethnic landscape of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, the richer the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
becomes.
For instance
, there are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nationalities
living in Singapore and this leads to hundreds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
cuisines throughout the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
a European can indulge in Indian and Pakistani food, whereas an Indian can enjoy western food.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Similarly
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nationalities
enjoys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
festivals like
Possible spelling mistake found.
Deepavali
, Christmas,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hari
Possible spelling mistake found.
Raya
etc. These festivals bring joy to the society and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
others to understand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nationalities
. In the process other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nationalities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to embrace the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of their fellow citizens which creates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
social harmony and mutual respect for each other.

Besides
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
researchers have established the fact that a diverse work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
is likely to flourish faster than a monolithic work force.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
strengths and weaknesses.
For example
, Asians
are taught
mathematics from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
early age and are
genuinely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at it, while the Europeans
are known
for their engineering
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
the amalgamation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
always benefits the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
growth and
overall
well-being.

To conclude
, having a mixture of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nationalities
living together leads to the enrichment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and faster growth of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will benefit from this
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
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IELTS essay A Country Becomes More Interesting When Its Population Includes A Mixture Of Nationalities | Band 8 IELTS Essay Sample

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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