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7. Although more and more people read news on the internet, newspapers will remain the most important source of news. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

7. Although more and more people read news on the internet, newspapers will remain the most important source of news. v. 1
Socialization through social network sites is becoming increasingly popular. An increasing number of people these days prefer the internet to get socialize rather than face to face communication. In my opinion, this is a negative trend as it leads to isolation and potentially harmful situations in the life of an individual. One serious problem that can arise due to socialization through the internet is that it can make people isolated. As people spend more time on these websites and social media platforms, they fail to interact with their family and friends. This is an alarming scenario which detaches people from society and eventually leads them to many problems such as depression and other psychological ailments. For example, one of the studies made by the Indian Medical Association found that, If a person spends more time to get socialize over the internet, his brain functions are more susceptible to get retarded. Another issue is that meeting people on the social media platform is often risky. In other words, it is often difficult to find relationships that are genuine in the cyber world where people most of the times assume fake identities. This is a pressing concern for teenagers who are impressionable and can lead them to dangerous situations such as getting exploited physically and mentally. Furthermore, as these interactions are in a virtual world, parents have no way to monitor their children For instance, according to a news report which was published by Times of India in 2018 twenty percent of children who became victims of child pornography were trapped through social media sites. To conclude, although socialization through social networking sites has become more popular, it has brought too many issues for this to be considered as a positive trend.
Socialization
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
network sites is becoming
increasingly
popular. An increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
these days prefer the internet to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
socialize
rather
than face to face communication. In my opinion, this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trend as it leads to isolation and
potentially
harmful situations in the life of an individual.

One serious problem that can arise due to socialization
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
the internet is that it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
isolated. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on these websites and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media platforms, they fail to interact with their family and friends. This is an alarming scenario which detaches
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from society and
eventually
leads them to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems such as depression and other psychological ailments.
For example
, one of the studies made by the Indian Medical Association found that, If a person spends more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
socialize over the internet, his brain functions are more susceptible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
retarded.

Another issue is that meeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media platform is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
risky.
In other words
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
difficult to find relationships that are genuine in the cyber world where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
assume fake identities. This is a pressing concern for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
who are impressionable and can lead them to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
situations such as getting exploited
physically
and mentally.
Furthermore
, as these interactions are in a virtual world, parents have no way to monitor their children
For instance
, according to a news report which
was published
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Times
of India in 2018 twenty percent of children who became victims of child pornography
were trapped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media sites.

To conclude
, although socialization
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking sites has become more popular, it has brought too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
issues for this to
be considered
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay 7. Although more and more people read news on the internet, newspapers will remain the most important source of news. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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