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44. Some people believe that developing countries should concentrate on improving industrial skills whereas others argue that these countries should promote education first. Discuss the both viewpoints and give your own opinion.

44. Some people believe that developing countries should concentrate on improving industrial skills whereas others argue that these countries should promote education first. Discuss the both viewpoints and give your own opinion. gGEA1
People have different views about whether developing countries should focus on enhancing industrial skills or education. While there are some benefits of improving working skills, I would argue that education should be the top priority of these nations. There are several reasons why industrial skills should be improved. Firstly, since developing countries often lack workers with specialized ability, the governments of these countries should invest more in training and enhancing working skills to provide sufficient work force. For example, in Vietnam, there are currently very few people who work in the automobile manufacturing industry, so it is necessary to increase the number of workers in this field. Secondly, when workers’ practical skills are improved, the productivity of factories would be enhanced. As a result, more goods with higher qualities would be produced, which generates more money for the whole nation. However, I believe promoting education would lead to a more stable growth for developing countries. The first reason is that since education provides basic knowledge for people, it is likely to assist in the development of other industries. For instance, education can help scientists to come up with new technologies, which allows workers to produce modern devices such as smart phones. The second benefit of improving the education system is that this would produce good citizens. Being well educated, people would be more likely to have good behavior such as obeying the law, and this contributes to the development of the entire society. If inadequate attention is paid to education, the growth of countries will only be short-term. In conclusion, I think developing countries should concentrate more on enhancing education because it will bring about stable and long-term development.
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People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should focus on enhancing industrial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits of improving working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, I would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should be the top priority of these nations.

There are several reasons why industrial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
.
Firstly
, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
lack
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
with specialized ability, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should invest more in training and enhancing working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
to provide sufficient work force.
For example
, in Vietnam, there are
currently
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who work in the automobile manufacturing industry,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is necessary to increase the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
in this field.
Secondly
, when
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workers’
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
, the productivity of factories would
be enhanced
.
As a result
, more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
with higher qualities would
be produced
, which generates more money for the whole nation.

However
, I believe promoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
would lead to a more stable growth for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. The
first
reason is that since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
provides basic knowledge for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it is likely to assist in the development of other industries.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
scientists to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with new technologies, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
to produce modern devices such as smart phones. The second benefit of improving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system is that this would produce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
citizens. Being
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would be more likely to have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
behavior such as obeying the law, and this contributes to the development of the entire society. If inadequate attention
is paid
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, the growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be short-term.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should concentrate more on enhancing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will bring about stable and long-term development.
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IELTS essay 44. Some people believe that developing countries should concentrate on improving industrial skills whereas others argue that these countries should promote education first. Discuss the both viewpoints and give your own opinion.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • 44. Some people believe that developing countries should concentrate on improving industrial skills whereas others argue that these countries should promote education first. Discuss the both viewpoints and give your own opinion.