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2) Using of computer everyday can have more negative than positive effects on young children.Do you agree or disagree . ?

Nowadays, technology is essential for our life. It is noticed that, if young children use computer daily they would have demerits rather than merits. I completely agree with this statement. To begin with, daily usage of computer may affect their future. They might spend all the time on computer instead of academics thereby they does not get enough time to cover their daily school portions. Due to this, it would affect their exams thereby it leads to score less mark on exams. It really affect their future. So usage of computer on daily basics is not a good idea. In addition to this, daily computer usage badly affect the health also. If pupil uses computer with no break or daily they loss an interest towards the outdoor games such as football, cricket, basket ball and so on. By the absence of proper muscle movements it leads to obesity, depression and so on. So, it will totally destroy the health of children. However, if proper supervision given to children for the computer usage, they can be some benefits with daily computer usage. To conclude, the number of children who use computer daily has increased compared to the past. Although there are minor benefits regard to this I do not support this since it can effect health, physical and mental growth of a child.
Nowadays, technology is essential for our life. It
is noticed
that, if young children
use
computer
daily
they would have demerits
rather
than merits. I completely
agree
with this statement.

To
begin
with,
daily
usage
of computer may
affect
their future. They might spend all the time on computer
instead
of academics thereby they
does
not
get
enough
time to cover their
daily
school portions. Due to this, it would
affect
their exams thereby it leads to score less mark on exams. It
really
affect
their future.
So
usage
of computer on
daily
basics is not a
good
idea
.

In addition
to this,
daily
computer
usage
badly
affect
the health
also
. If pupil
uses
computer with no break or
daily
they
loss
an interest towards the outdoor games such as football, cricket, basket ball and
so
on. By the absence of proper muscle movements it leads to obesity, depression and
so
on.
So
, it will
totally
destroy
the health of children.

However
, if proper supervision
given
to children for the computer
usage
, they can be
some
benefits with
daily
computer usage.

To conclude
, the number of children who
use
computer
daily
has increased compared to the past. Although there are minor benefits regard to this I do not support this since it can effect health, physical and mental growth of a child.
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IELTS essay 2) Using of computer everyday can have more negative than positive effects on young children. ?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
222 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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