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1. Describe a change that you think would improve your local area

1. Describe a change that you think would improve your local area JVL6D
I was born and raised in Quang Nam and have been here for 28 years. I have watched the city develop from a small town and grow into a modern metropolitan area in the new era. With the skyrocketing population of recent years, the city’s environment has become significantly polluted. As a result, I think environmental laws should be enacted immediately to solve this problem. First of all, Quang Nam’s mayor should consider putting more trash bins out in the streets so that people won’t throw rubbish anywhere anytime. In addition, the city police should heavily fine those who are caught littering the streets. By doing so, not only could we save a lot of money on cleaning costs but we could also improve the surrounding public scenery. Secondly, the city should run a campaign to educate people on how to classify and separate garbage before throwing it out. This is necessary because unsorted garbage contributes to the pollution of underground water and the earth. In my opinion, although these above actions are minor, they would contribute to diminishing the impacts of pollution in our local area if they were done on a collective level.
I
was born
and raised in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Quang
Nam and have been here for 28 years. I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
the city develop from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
town and grow into a modern metropolitan area in the new era. With the skyrocketing population of recent years, the city’s environment has become
significantly
polluted.
As a result
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
environmental laws should
be enacted
immediately to solve this problem.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Quang
Nam’s mayor should consider putting more trash bins out in the streets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
won’t throw rubbish anywhere anytime.
In addition
, the city police should
heavily
fine those who
are caught
littering the streets. By doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
could we save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money on cleaning costs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we could
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the surrounding public scenery.

Secondly
, the city should run a campaign to educate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
on how to classify and separate garbage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
throwing it out. This is necessary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
unsorted garbage contributes to the pollution of underground water and the earth.

In my opinion, although these above actions are minor, they would contribute to diminishing

the impacts of pollution in our local area if they
were done
on a collective level.

IELTS essay 1. Describe a change that you think would improve your local area

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
195 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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