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Country's export of year 2015 and 2016

Country's export of year 2015 and 2016 YwNmm
The given graph and data demonstrate a country’s exports of various categories of the goods during a year 2015 and 2016. Moreover, below the graph, certain comparisons are given with the base year 2015 and considered current year as 2016. In the graph, petroleum products, recorded in year 2015 as $60 Billion which in 2016 increased with 3%. Engineered goods also have jumped with 8. 5% in year 2016 compare to the base year 2015. However, there is major fall recorded with 5. 18% in gems and jewelry in year 2016 whereas in 2015, jewelry and gems had sustained with $44 Billion. Agricultural products are slightly increased in year 2016 with. 81%. On the other hand, in the textile industries a significant development has occurred in exports with 15. 24% growth, however, in year 2015 export were sustained at $25 Billion only. In a nutshell, highest development in exports are achieved by textiles industries and petroleum products, engineered products, gems and jewelry and agricultural respectively. However, a country’s administration and stakes involved in agricultural products must draw their attention towards solutions to make export better in that.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
graph and data demonstrate a country’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exports
of various categories of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
during a
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year
2015 and 2016.
Moreover
, below the graph, certain comparisons are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
with the base
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year
2015 and considered
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
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year
as 2016.

In the graph, petroleum
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products
, recorded in
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year
2015 as $60 Billion which in 2016 increased with 3%. Engineered
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
also
have jumped with 8. 5% in
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year
2016 compare to the base
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year
2015.
However
, there is major fall recorded with 5. 18% in gems and jewelry in
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year
2016 whereas in 2015, jewelry and gems had sustained with $44 Billion.

Agricultural
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products
are
slightly
increased in
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year
2016 with. 81%.
On the other hand
, in the textile industries a significant development has occurred in
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exports
with 15. 24% growth,
however
, in
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year
2015
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
export
were sustained
at $25 Billion
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only
.

In a nutshell,
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
development in
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exports
are achieved
by textiles industries and petroleum
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products
, engineered
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products
, gems and jewelry and agricultural
respectively
.
However
, a country’s administration and stakes involved in agricultural
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products
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
draw their attention towards solutions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
export
better in that.
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IELTS academic Country's export of year 2015 and 2016

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
187 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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