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Writing task 1: tuna, swordfish and boats.

Writing task 1: tuna, swordfish and boats. G9772
The data give information about the total of fish catch and the total fishing vessel used in Westhaven from 2008 to 2011. Overall, the number of fishing boats that were used did not affect the number of tuna which were caught. However, it did appear to affect the number of swordfish. When there were more boats, more swordfish were caught. To begin with, the number of tuna fish rose dramatically from 85. ooo in 2008 to the peaked at 110. 000 in 2011. This growth constantly happened to 100. 000 and 110. 000 in 2009 and 2010 respectively. In contrast, the swordfish caught was totally shown a fluctuated trend around 50. 000 (2008), 120. 000 (2009), 70. 000 (2010) and 110. 000 (2011). Nevertheless, this swordfish indicated a moderately went up in 2010 to 2011, this fish had already declined from 2009 to 2010 by 30. 000 amount of fish. These rare conditions were still unknown what factors influenced with, the environmental or just in case the change of population of swordfish. On the other hand, numbers of fishing boats operated in 2008 were 50 boats. After that, in 2009, they rose to 55 and fell to approximately 42. The highest number of boats happened in 2011, 70 on average.
The data give information about the total of fish catch and the total fishing vessel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Westhaven
from 2008 to 2011.

Overall
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of fishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boats
that were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
did not affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of tuna which
were caught
.
However
, it did appear to affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of swordfish. When there were more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boats
, more swordfish
were caught
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of tuna fish rose
dramatically
from 85.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
ooo
in 2008 to the peaked at 110. 000 in 2011. This growth
constantly
happened to 100. 000 and 110. 000 in 2009 and 2010
respectively
.
In contrast
, the swordfish caught was
totally
shown a fluctuated trend around 50. 000 (2008), 120. 000 (2009), 70.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
000
(2010) and 110.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
000
(2011).
Nevertheless
, this swordfish indicated a
moderately
went up in 2010 to 2011, this fish had already declined from 2009 to 2010 by 30. 000
Possible agreement error. The noun 'amount' seems to be countable, so consider using: "amounts".
amount
of fish. These rare conditions were
still
unknown what factors influenced with, the environmental or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
in case the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of population of swordfish.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
of fishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boats
operated in 2008 were 50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boats
. After that, in 2009, they rose to 55 and fell to approximately 42. The highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boats
happened in 2011, 70 on average.
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IELTS academic Writing task 1: tuna, swordfish and boats.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
210 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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