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Write story begin :as the man left the cafe, Maria saw that his phone was still on the table.

Write story begin: as the man left the cafe, Maria saw that his phone was still on the table. NV8E2
Two years ago, when Maria was out drinking coffee with her friends, she chanced on a very attractive man sitting at the next table. So she decided to ask for this guy's phone number, but unfortunately she was rejected. She was extremely disappointed and returned to her table. However, as the man left the cafe, Maria saw that his phone was still on the table. She was afraid that someone else would steal his phone, so she decided to keep it and wait for him to come back. After 2 hours of waiting, he finally came back. She gave it to him, but he not only didn't thank her, but also said: "I didn't fancy you could use this way to approach me, I won't be fooled". Maria became enraged and exclaimed: "You're such an illusionist", before leaving. As soon as she left, the waiter told him everything, so he realized that he thought wrong about Maria. He dashed after her, apologizing and thanking her for her assistance, and he also wanted to invite her to dinner. Because she was a generous person, she accepted his apology. After that, they became friends and started getting to know each other. She falls in love with him because he has a good sense of humour. Tomorrow I will be attending their wedding.
Two years ago, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Maria
was out drinking coffee with her friends, she chanced on a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
attractive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
sitting at the
next
table.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
she decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
this guy's phone number,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
unfortunately she
was rejected
. She was
extremely
disappointed and returned to her table.
However
, as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
the
'cafe' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "café"
cafe
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Maria
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
that his phone was
still
on the table.

She was afraid that someone else would steal his phone,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
she decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
it and wait for him to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back. After 2 hours of waiting, he
finally
came back. She gave it to him,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
didn't thank her,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
said:
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
I didn't fancy you could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this way to approach me, I won't
be fooled
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Maria
became enraged and exclaimed:
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
You're such an illusionist
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
leaving.

As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
, the waiter
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
him everything,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he realized that he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Maria
. He dashed after her, apologizing and thanking her for her assistance, and he
also
wanted to invite her to dinner.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
she was a generous person, she
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
his apology.

After that, they became friends and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
getting to know each other. She falls in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
with him
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
sense of
Possible spelling mistake. 'humour' is British English.
humour
. Tomorrow I will be attending their wedding.
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IELTS academic Write story begin: as the man left the cafe, Maria saw that his phone was still on the table.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
220 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
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