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Write paragraph about Effects of smoking

Write paragraph about Effects of smoking Jwm3a
Smoking causes big harm to human life. First of all, it destroys the health of those who directly smoke and suffer from a lot of health problems such as lung damage, heart diseases, cancer, and a weakened immune system. Because cigarettes contain many toxins, especially nicotine. Therefore, people who smoke cigarettes regularly for many years have a much shorter life expectancy than non-smokers. The use of smoking is also one of the reasons why smokers easily fall into other social evils such as drugs, gambling, etc. smokers will be bad examples for young people to learn from adults. Moreover, smoking affects the family economy. For example, toxic substances infiltrate the body causing them to carry serious diseases leading to the family having to pay large sums of money for treatment. Not only that, smoking is also a cause of fires, electric shocks, and forest fires. There have been many fires and forest fires occurring recently, due to the subjective consciousness of smokers, when they finished smoking, they did not extinguish the cigarette, did not leave it in the right place, so it easily led to fire, forest fire… In brief, smoking not only affects us personally, but also everyone around us.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Smoking
causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
harm to human life.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroys
the health of those who
directly
smoke and suffer from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
health problems such as lung damage, heart diseases, cancer, and a weakened immune system.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
cigarettes contain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
toxins,
especially
nicotine.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who smoke cigarettes
regularly
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years have a much shorter life expectancy than non-smokers. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is
also
one of the reasons why smokers
easily
fall into other social evils such as drugs, gambling, etc. smokers will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
examples for young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to learn from adults.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
affects the family economy.
For example
, toxic substances infiltrate the body causing them to carry serious diseases leading to the family having to pay large sums of money for treatment. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is
also
a cause of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fires
, electric shocks, and forest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fires
. There have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fires
and forest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fires
occurring recently, due to the subjective consciousness of smokers, when they finished
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
, they did not extinguish the cigarette, did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
it in the right place,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it
easily
led to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fire
, forest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fire…
In brief
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affects us
personally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
everyone around us.
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IELTS academic Write paragraph about Effects of smoking

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
201 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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