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Write an essay on the following question

Write an essay on the following question bxkbP
The provided bar graph below demonstrates the percentages of the best free time activities of Canadian teenagers. it can be clearly seen that there are fluctuations in the percentage ratio between the interests of girls and boys, it is interesting to note that both boys and girls are interested in music and the percentage remains unchanged while others is distinctive enough. The highest increase should be noticed in shopping activities related to boys and this is about 33% whereas girls significantly declined approximately at 7%. it is obviously seen that the percentage of boys preferences regarding to sports and computer games is prevailed girls. The number of those who engage with listening to music remained steadily and consisted just about 19 per cent.
The provided bar graph below demonstrates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentages
of the best free time activities of Canadian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
 that there are fluctuations in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
ratio between the interests of girls and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
, it is interesting to note that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and girls
are interested
in music and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
remains unchanged while others is distinctive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
.

The highest increase should
be noticed
in shopping activities related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and this is about 33% whereas girls
significantly
declined approximately at 7%.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
is
obviously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
preferences
The phrase 'regarding to' is not correct. Use "regarding" or "regard to".
regarding to
sports and computer games
is prevailed
girls.

The number of those who engage with listening to music remained

steadily
and consisted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
about 19 per cent.
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IELTS academic Write an essay on the following question

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
122 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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