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The bar charts represents the percentage of people in Canada using multiple social networking sites for two years including 2014 and 2015

The bar charts represents the percentage of people in Canada using multiple social networking sites for two years including 2014 and 2015 wObMm
The information about various social sites which are used by individuals in Canada between 2014 and 2015 is depicted by rendered bar graph. The data has been calibrated in percentage. To begin, in 2014 the list of the top was one site that was used by many people. it accounted for just above a third. nevertheless, the number of a citizen of Canada who uses no social networking sites was 22%, it comprised of below a quarter. moreover, the two sites which were used by numerous communities of Canada were about 23% and the proportion of these sites was around 25%. furthermore, there are other two different social sites which were using very few residents of the city. likewise a drastic decrease by 3% and 2 % respectively. Moving toward, in 2015 a decline of 8% was seen by a plethora of people at the same time, 28% of people were used social sites. However, a fifth of individuals use no social sites it can be observed by merely 2%. meanwhile, the other two sites which were used by Canadians that was only 16% and 4% respectively. To sum up, it can be vividly manifested that the majority of the community were using social networking sites whereas extremely few individuals were interested to use these social sites.
The information about various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by individuals in Canada between 2014 and 2015
is depicted
by rendered bar graph. The data has
been calibrated
in percentage.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, in 2014 the list of the top was one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
that was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
accounted for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above a third.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
nevertheless
, the number of a citizen of Canada who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
was 22%, it comprised of below a quarter.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
moreover
, the two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
which were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by numerous communities of Canada were about 23% and the proportion of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
was around 25%.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
furthermore
, there are other two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
which were using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few residents of the city.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
likewise
a drastic decrease by 3% and 2 %
respectively
.

Moving toward, in 2015 a decline of 8% was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
by a plethora of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
at the same time, 28% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
.
However
, a fifth of individuals
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "uses"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'use' is not always incorrect.)
use
no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
it can
be observed
by
merely
2%.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
meanwhile
, the other two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
which were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by Canadians that was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
16% and 4%
respectively
.

To sum up, it can be
vividly
manifested that the majority of the community were using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
whereas
extremely
few individuals
were interested
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
.
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IELTS academic The bar charts represents the percentage of people in Canada using multiple social networking sites for two years including 2014 and 2015

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
217 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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