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Write about the useful of invention

Write about the useful of invention wMqgm
Today, smart phones play an important role. It has become a necessary equipment in people's daily life. First, you can use smartphone to take photos and videos. With a small phone, you can save your wonderful memories and necessary things with just a few steps of taking pictures. Compared to cameras, smartphones are more portable and have more features. In addition, you can easily find the information we need through a smartphone. Once connected to WIFI or mobile data network, you can go online and search for study lessons and anything you want know. Besides, you can buy anything what we want like books, clothes. . . . quickly and conveniently. You can choose what we want to buy right on your phone without having to go to the places. . And you can pay it easily with our smartphones.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, smart phones play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role. It has become
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "necessary equipment".
a necessary equipment
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's daily life.

First
, you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
smartphone to take photos and videos. With a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
phone, you can save your wonderful memories and necessary things with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a few steps of taking pictures. Compared to cameras, smartphones are more portable and have more features.

In addition
, you can
easily
find the information we need through a smartphone. Once connected to
Did you mean "Wi-Fi"? (This is the officially approved term by the Wi-Fi Alliance.)
WIFI
or mobile data network, you can go online and search for study lessons and anything you want know.

Besides
, you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
anything what we want like books, clothes.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
quickly
and
conveniently
. You can choose what we want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
right on your phone without having to go to the places.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
And you can pay it
easily
with our smartphones.

IELTS academic Write about the useful of invention

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
140 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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