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Hospital beds per thousand of the population

Hospital beds per thousand of the population x8Ymy
This chart talks about healthcare resources and life expectancy in different countries. The countries we are going to compare are: Australia, Canada, Germany, Japan, Netherlands, Spain, United Kingdom and the US. At first sight we can see that the statistics show two contrasting trends, Japan and the United States, in the chart (Hospital beds per thousand of the population) the Japan bar is bigger than the US one however, in the table (that talks about Government health spending) US spends a much longer amount in health spending per person than Japan, with a difference of $4, 138, obviously Japan average life expectancy is higher than US. In spite of this, every other country is at the same level as the US except Germany which it’s in an average rank. To sum up, as said before, we can conclude that Japan is the country with the higher average life expectancy and it's the more prepared country (among the others given) in health terms since it has the largest number of beds in hospitals.
This chart talks about healthcare resources and life expectancy in
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different
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countries
. The
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countries
we are going to compare are: Australia, Canada, Germany,
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Japan
, Netherlands, Spain, United Kingdom and the US.

At
first
sight we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the statistics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
two contrasting trends,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
and the United States, in the chart (Hospital beds per thousand of the population) the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
bar is bigger than the US one
however
, in the table (that talks about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
health spending) US spends a much longer amount in health spending per person than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
, with a difference of $4, 138,
obviously
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Japan
average life expectancy is higher than US.
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In spite of
this, every other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is at the same level as the US except Germany which it’s in an average rank.

To sum up, as said
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, we can conclude that
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Japan
is the
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country
with the higher average life expectancy and it's the more prepared
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
(among the others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
) in health terms since it has the largest number of beds in hospitals.
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IELTS academic Hospital beds per thousand of the population

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
172 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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