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women have achieved their dreams

women have achieved their dreams nxVjg
Nowadays, many women have achieved their dreams. In the last 50 years, the roles of women have been changed in many countries. However, these countries can not assess that they achieved gender equality. In this essay, I am going to give two reasons why I agree with this view. First of all, it’s thought that women can not achieve their rights even though the countries changed theirs for them. In other words, there are certain families that prevent women to live their life. To illustrate, in Afghanistan, the women can not marry themselves because there is a role that says” women can not decide to marry except if their father or brother accepts their decision. This leads to some of the issues in the life of women. They will lose the chance to married and to stable their life. That’s why I agree with this sentence. Secondly, some of the women do not able to manage in major ministries or even in companies. For example, in Saudi Arabia, women can only work in the lower positions and prevent them to gain major jobs. That leads to missing their dream and chance to give their strong minds. To sum up, I agree with this statement. And we can not claim that we have access to gander quality if there is any legal that prevents anyone to control their life. Also, we have to give them chance to work in major works.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have achieved their dreams. In the last 50 years, the roles of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries.
However
, these countries can not assess that they achieved gender equality.

In this essay, I am going to give two reasons

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
why
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can not achieve their rights
even though
the countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
theirs for them.
In other words
, there are certain families that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. To illustrate, in Afghanistan, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can not marry themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is a role that says”
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can not decide to marry except if their father or brother accepts their decision. This leads to
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
issues in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. They will lose the chance to married and to stable their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. That’s why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this sentence.

Secondly
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
do not able to manage in major ministries or even in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
For example
, in Saudi Arabia,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
work in the lower positions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them to gain major jobs. That leads to missing their dream and chance to give their strong minds.

To sum up, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement. And we can not claim that we have access to gander quality if there is any legal that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
anyone to control their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Also
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
give them chance to work in major works.
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IELTS academic women have achieved their dreams

Academic
  American English
6 paragraphs
240 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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