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what the electricity used for

what the electricity used for Yge5K
The following pie chart describes the electricity consumption by various groups among householders. Overall, there are four main categories in the graph. On the top, the heating systems which utilize energy for producing hot water, as well as, heating the rooms are the most power consumers with 52%; however, the rest of electricity consumers only takes slightly less than half of the incoming energy. The second energy user, which consumes significantly lower than the first group, is the category of ovens, kettles and washing machines. These machines are used less often in comparing to the heating facilities, but still they are a considerable factor in the given report. Two other minor energy receivers are considerd to be more efficient. Vaccum cleaners, food mixer and electric tools are another category that posess 15 percent of the pie chart. Similarly, lighting, TV and radio take a 15% portion of the household energy utilization.
The following pie chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
the electricity consumption by various groups among householders.

Overall
, there are four main categories in the graph. On the top, the heating systems which utilize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
for producing hot water,
as well
as, heating the rooms are the most power consumers with 52%;
however
, the rest of electricity consumers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
takes
slightly
less than half of the incoming energy.

The second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
user, which consumes
significantly
lower than the
first
group, is the category of ovens, kettles and washing machines. These machines are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
in comparing to the heating facilities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
they are a considerable factor in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
report.

Two other minor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
receivers are
Possible spelling mistake found.
considerd
to be more efficient.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Vaccum
cleaners, food mixer and electric tools are another category that
Possible spelling mistake found.
posess
15 percent of the pie chart.
Similarly
, lighting, TV and radio take a 15% portion of the household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
utilization.
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IELTS academic what the electricity used for

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
151 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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