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Various tv shows in defferent countries

Various tv shows in defferent countries GJYNB
The information about the choices of various TV programs in different age group in European nation in the year 2012 is depicted by rendered table. The data has been calibrated in percentage. Overall, it can be manifested that news was preferred by adults(age 21-25), while Cartoons were famous among the children(age 11-15). To begin with, the Cartoon was popular among the adolescence in 2012. It accounted for 29%. Whereas, in the age group of 16-20 and 21-25, it was reported 18% and merely 4% respectively. However, in the age group of 16-20 feature films was more preferred at almost quarter and other groups noted almost identical. News was popular in the age group of 21-25 at just below the quarter. While, In 11-15 age group it reported solely 6%. and 19% in group of 16-20. Moving further, soap opera was preferred by age group (11-15) about 17%, 12% in 16-20 age group and almost 19% in 21-25 group. In TV drams and sports, 21-25 age group was observed the highest compare to other groups. Nevertheless, TV dramas was least popular almost 8% in the age group of 11-15.
The information about the choices of various TV programs in
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different
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age
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group
in European nation in the year 2012
is depicted
by rendered table. The data has
been calibrated
in percentage.

Overall
, it can
be manifested
that news
was preferred
by adults(age 21-25), while Cartoons were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
among the children(age 11-15).

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the Cartoon was popular among the adolescence in 2012. It accounted for 29%. Whereas, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
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group
of 16-20 and 21-25, it
was reported
18% and
merely
4%
respectively
.
However
, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of 16-20 feature films was more preferred at
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almost
quarter and other
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groups
noted
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almost
identical. News was popular in the
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age
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group
of 21-25 at
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just
below the quarter.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, In 11-15
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age
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group
it reported
solely
6%.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
19% in
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group
of 16-20.

Moving
further
, soap opera
was preferred
by
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age
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group
(11-15) about 17%, 12% in 16-20
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age
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group
and
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almost
19% in 21-25
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group
. In TV drams and sports, 21-25
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
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group
was observed
the highest compare to other
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groups
.
Nevertheless
, TV dramas was least popular
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almost
8% in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of 11-15.
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IELTS academic Various tv shows in defferent countries

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
188 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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