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Unemployment rates from Brighton University Graduates

Unemployment rates from Brighton University Graduates RpMV
This pie chart indicates each rate of employment sectors from Brighton University’s graduates in 2019. Representatively, service industries accounts for the largest percentage among the whole sectors at a rate of 33% with an immense gap and this figure is almost doubled amount than the second occupied segment. Compared to that rate, sport sector which is occupied only 0. 1% is the least part of all and the segment of charity is taken up only 0. 3% as well, which means that charity sector also becomes one of the least chosen employment sectors among the graduates as well. Also, manufacturing industry, politics & government, and education sectors are appeared relatively same. Each of them has about 2% of each gap, and they are taken up each second, third, and fourth constituted rate, following by service industries section. Following them, science & technology and transportation and warehousing sections are allocated similar figures which are 7. 3% and 7. 8% in this chart. With a number of developments in IT and online services, lots of advantages exist in terms of signing in and using online. However, it is natural that the problems related to personal information online are caused. In my opinion, it is negative development to sign up for social networks or online banking by putting personal information online. There are many issues that have been raised by hackers and exposure of installations. Not only simple information such as clients’ names, addresses, and mobile numbers, but also, private and important personal information which could be used as elements of serious crimes, can be exposed, in spite of any fault from personal members. Also, in case of usage of each personal information by facilities which gather their clients’ ones, without reading carefully about contract conditions, a range of personal information can be used by the purposes of many advertisements. For instance, many people have some experiences that lots of advertisements are sent to their mailboxes, or even their mobile phones by some calls from companies which they have never heard about. The contacts from strange and unfamiliar companies for advertisements have been formed by the connection of personal information from each site, which personal members have put their information to sign in. Therefore, putting each personal information online, for getting convenience, can occur quite dangerous situations to be regarded as careful factors. It would be better that avoiding putting specific information online than pursuing convenience in order to prevent further serious crimes.
This pie chart indicates each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of employment
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sectors
from Brighton University’s graduates in 2019.

Representatively
, service industries accounts for the largest percentage among the

whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of 33% with an immense gap and this figure is almost doubled amount

than the second occupied segment. Compared to that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
, sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
which
is occupied
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
0. 1% is the

least part of all and the segment of charity
is taken
up
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
0. 3%
as well
, which means that charity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
also


becomes one of the least chosen employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
among the graduates
as well
.
Also
, manufacturing

industry, politics &
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, and education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
are appeared
relatively
same. Each of them has about

2% of each gap, and they
are taken
up each second, third, and fourth constituted
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rate
, following by service

industries section. Following them, science & technology and transportation and warehousing sections
are allocated
similar figures which are 7. 3% and 7. 8% in this chart.

With a number of developments in IT and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
services, lots of advantages exist in terms of signing in and

using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
.
However
, it is natural that the problems related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
are caused
. In my

opinion, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
up for social networks or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
banking by putting personal

information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
issues that have
been raised
by hackers and exposure of installations. Not

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
simple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
such as clients’ names, addresses, and mobile numbers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
, private and

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
which could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as elements of serious crimes, can
be exposed
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of


any fault from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
members.
Also
, in case of usage of each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
by facilities which gather

their clients’ ones, without reading
carefully
about contract conditions, a range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
can be

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by the purposes of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advertisements.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
experiences that lots of

advertisements are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to their mailboxes, or even their mobile phones by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
calls from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
which

they have never heard about. The contacts from strange and unfamiliar
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
for advertisements have

been formed
by the connection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
from each site, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
members have put

their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
in.
Therefore
, putting each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, for getting convenience, can

occur quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
situations to
be regarded
as careful factors. It would be better that avoiding putting

specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
than pursuing convenience in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
further
serious crimes.
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IELTS academic Unemployment rates from Brighton University Graduates

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
410 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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