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Unemployed Individuals in US and Japan

Unemployed Individuals in US and Japan LwebV
The line graph compares the percentage of unemployed individuals in US and Japan from March 1993 to March 1999. Overall, although US and Japan started at their highest and lowest points, respectively, they both had the same unemployment rate by the end of the study. In March 1993, 7% of the US population was out of work. Such percentage had an irregular downward patten with a decrease of 1% after a year and another in March 1996. From that point, there was a relatively stable rate for the next three years, ending with almost two-thirds of the starting figure. Japan started with a 2. 5% unemployment rate which increased by half after a year and by almost two-thirds in March 1996. Although there was an insignificant 0. 5% drop at the beginning of the said year, the rate of jobless Japanese went up and even reached a peak of more than double the initial figure in March 1998. By 1999, there was a total of 5% unemployed people.
The line graph compares the percentage of unemployed individuals in US and Japan from March 1993 to March 1999.

Overall
, although US and Japan
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at their highest and lowest points,
respectively
, they both had the same unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the study.

In March 1993, 7% of the US population was out of work. Such percentage had an irregular downward
Possible spelling mistake found.
patten
with a decrease of 1% after a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
and another in March 1996. From that point, there was a
relatively
stable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
for the
next
three years, ending with almost two-thirds of the starting figure.

Japan
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
with a 2. 5% unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
which increased by half after a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
and by almost two-thirds in March 1996.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
there was an insignificant 0. 5% drop at the beginning of the said
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of jobless Japanese went up and even reached a peak of more than double the initial figure in March 1998. By 1999, there was a total of 5% unemployed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
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IELTS academic Unemployed Individuals in US and Japan

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
168 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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