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underground railways systems

underground railways systems nER27
The table illustrates the underground railway systems in 6 different cities of the world namely; London, Paris, Tokyo, Washington DC, Kyoto, Los Angeles. London's railway systems opened the earliest In the year 1863 with the longest route of 394 kilometers, whereas Los Angeles opened their railway system 138 years after London in 2001. Kyoto has the least route length and passengers per year of only 11 kilometers and 45miillion however, Tokyo had the highest number of passengers every year of over 1900 million. Out of the six cities surveyed, 4 of them opened in the 20th century, a substantial difference was seen between every city in regards to the length of the routes and number of passengers that traveled each year. When compared to the data provided, Paris and Tokyo showed a very high number of passengers with respect to the length of the route, and Kyoto and Los Angeles showed the least number of passengers of only 45 million and 50 million per year.
The table illustrates the underground railway systems in 6
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cities of the world
namely
; London, Paris, Tokyo, Washington DC, Kyoto, Los Angeles.

London's railway systems opened the earliest In the
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year
1863 with the longest
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route
of 394 kilometers, whereas Los Angeles opened their railway system 138 years after London in 2001. Kyoto has the least
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route
length and
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passengers
per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
11 kilometers and 45miillion
however
, Tokyo had the highest
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number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passengers
every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
of over 1900 million.

Out of the six cities surveyed, 4 of them opened in the 20th century, a substantial difference was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
between every city
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
in regards to
the length of the
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routes
and
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number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passengers
that traveled each year.

When compared to the data provided, Paris and Tokyo
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passengers
with respect to the length of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
route
, and Kyoto and Los Angeles
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
the least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passengers
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
45 million and 50 million per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
.
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IELTS academic underground railways systems

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
165 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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