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undergraduate qualification of Australian students

undergraduate qualification of Australian students LrrkR
The pie charts illustrate the undergraduate qualification of Australian students for two age groups, 25-34 and 55-69 year-olds. The number of first age groups is around three times compared to the second group with 347, 500 and 104, 800 respectively. The data is presented in percentage of the total amount of each field of degree. It can clearly be seen that there is a slight difference in the number of students holding degrees in social sciences and arts in both the age groups of 24-34 and 55-69 with 19. 48% for the former group and 20. 42% for the latter. The discrepancy between both given groups majoring in administration is around 4%. Moreover, 9. 35 % of Australians falling in the younger given age group held degrees in Engineering, however, the proportion for the graduates in the same field was double in the older age group. Veterinary-agriculture, education, architecture and other majors, shared almost a similar count of students for both age groups with a minor difference. (18. 19%) students aged 25-34 held a degree in science-math-computer fields but the ratio of graduates for the same fields in the other age group was roughly half (10. 11%). Percentage of students majoring in Law in the younger age group was 5. 53% and it was 2. 19 % less in the older age bracket. Lastly, 7. 4 % and 11. 35% Australians majored in the field of Medicine in age group 25-34 and 55-69 respectively. Overall, the number of younger students who hold bachelor degrees is higher than their mature counterparts, and social sciences and arts have the lion share.
The pie charts illustrate the undergraduate qualification of Australian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
, 25-34 and 55-69 year-olds. The number of
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
is around three times compared to the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
with 347, 500 and 104, 800
respectively
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
data
is presented
in percentage of the total amount of each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
of degree.

It can
clearly
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that there is a slight difference in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
holding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degrees
in social sciences and arts in both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
of 24-34 and 55-69 with 19. 48% for the former
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
and 20. 42% for the latter. The discrepancy between both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
majoring in administration is around 4%.
Moreover
, 9. 35 % of Australians falling in the younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
held
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degrees
in Engineering,
however
, the proportion for the graduates in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
was double in the older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group.

Veterinary-agriculture, education, architecture and other majors, shared almost a similar count of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
with a minor difference. (18. 19%)
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students
aged 25-34 held a
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degree
in science-math-computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the ratio of graduates for the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
in the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
was roughly half (10. 11%). Percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
majoring in Law in the younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
was 5. 53% and it was 2. 19 % less in the older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
bracket.
Lastly
, 7. 4 % and 11. 35% Australians majored in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
of Medicine in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
25-34 and 55-69
respectively
.

Overall
, the number of younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who hold bachelor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degrees
is higher than their mature counterparts, and social sciences and arts have the lion share.
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IELTS academic undergraduate qualification of Australian students

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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