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travel to and form school children age 5-12 by several mode transportation

travel to and form school children age 5-12 by several mode transportation KWWVR
The bar chart describes the amount of form of transportation by children with range of age 5 to 12 years old, that they used to and from school in two year periods (1990 and 2010). Generally, it is seen clearly, the most form of transport that usual used by a youngster was by walk in 1990 whereas car transportation was the second rank in that year. But, it changed in 2010, they prefer to used a car to went and return from school. Following this data, in 1990, children prefer to walk despite to used a car or other form of transportation. It was clear, it almost 13 millions trips in this following year that they made it. The second rank with total's by a half of walk, it was by bus with almost 7 million trips. The other mode like cycling and mixed of walk and bus were made around 6 millions. The last position, it was car, less that 5 millions children used this form. On the other hand, in 2010, most of children liked to used car as their mode transportation despite to walk like in 1990, it accounted nearly 12 millions of trips. In addition, cycling, walking and bus, and just used bus were not popular in this year, it was accounted by less than 6 millions trips for each categories.
The bar chart
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describes
the amount of form of
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transportation
by
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children
with range of age 5 to 12 years
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old
, that they
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used
to and from school in two
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year
periods (1990 and 2010).

Generally
, it is
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seen
clearly
, the most form of transport that usual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by a youngster was by
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walk
in 1990 whereas
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car
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transportation
was the second rank in that
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year
.
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But
, it
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changed
in 2010, they prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
a
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car
to went and return from school.

Following this data, in 1990,
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children
prefer to
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walk
despite to
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used
a
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car
or other form of
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transportation
. It was
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clear
, it almost 13
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millions
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trips
in this following
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year
that they made it. The second rank with total's by a half of
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walk
, it was by bus with almost 7
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million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trips
. The other mode like cycling and mixed of
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walk
and bus
were made
around 6
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millions
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
last position, it was
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car
, less that 5
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millions
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children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
this form.

On the other hand
, in 2010, most of
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children
liked to
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used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
as their mode
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transportation
despite to
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walk
like in 1990, it accounted
nearly
12
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millions
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trips
.
In addition
, cycling, walking and bus, and
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just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
bus were not popular in this
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year
, it
was accounted
by less than 6
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millions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trips
for each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "category"?
categories
.

IELTS academic travel to and form school children age 5-12 by several mode transportation

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
225 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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