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top-ranking rewards in Winter Olympics and Summer Olympics

top-ranking rewards in Winter Olympics and Summer Olympics lXLKo
The two bar chart and line graph compare data about victors of the top-ranking rewards in Winter Olympics and Summer Olympics respectively between many nations. It is clear from the information that the United States did successfully in both global championships which achieved over 250 medals in the Winter Olympics and became in the first place of all countries with about 2500 medals in the Summer Olympics. In addition, Norway was the one having the best performance in Winter international sports competitions, it did not join the highest-ranking board in Summer Olympics, though. Despite not being so remarkable as the two nations above, many countries such as Germany, USSR, Canada, Great Britain, France also had great success. According to Winter Olympics’data, those ranked after Norway and USA are Germany, USSR and Canada in order from 3rd place to 5th place. Besides, it could be noticed that four nations includes USSR, Great Britain, Germany and France had the number of medals from approximately 850 to 1000 ones.
The two bar chart and line graph compare data about victors of the top-ranking rewards in
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Winter
Olympics and Summer Olympics
respectively
between
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many
nations.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the information that the United States did
successfully
in both global championships which achieved over 250 medals in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Winter
Olympics and became in the
first
place of all countries with about 2500 medals in the Summer Olympics.
In addition
, Norway was the one having the best performance in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Winter
international sports competitions, it did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the highest-ranking board in Summer Olympics, though.

Despite not being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
remarkable as the two nations above,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries such as Germany, USSR, Canada, Great Britain, France
also
had great success. According to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Winter
Olympics’data, those ranked after Norway and USA are Germany, USSR and Canada in order from 3rd place to 5th place.
Besides
, it could
be noticed
that four nations includes USSR, Great Britain, Germany and France had the number of medals from approximately 850 to 1000 ones.
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IELTS academic top-ranking rewards in Winter Olympics and Summer Olympics

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
166 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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