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The number of houses built per year in the cities of Derby and Nottingham

The number of houses built per year in the cities of Derby and Nottingham lXqew
The graph illustrated the number of houses built throughout the years(2001-2009) in the cities of Derby(Blue) and Nottingham(Yellow). In the year 2000, Derby has fewer houses built than Nottingham but, by the year 2009, Derby surpasses the number of houses built than Nottingham. The number of houses built in Derby rises stably different to Nottingham which has unstable and unpredictable numbers. The number of houses built in Derby increased exponentially from the year 2007 to 2008(an increase from 125 to 275 number of houses built). Nottingham made a decrease of number of houses built from the year 2007 to 2008(a decrease from 175 to 25 number of houses built). Overall, Derby shows an increase of number of houses built throughout the years while Nottingham shows an increase but also, major decreases in number of houses built in some of the years.
The graph illustrated the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
built throughout the years(2001-2009) in the cities of Derby(Blue) and Nottingham(Yellow).

In the
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year
2000, Derby has fewer
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houses
built than Nottingham
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, by the
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year
2009, Derby surpasses the
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number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
built than Nottingham. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
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houses
built in Derby rises
stably
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
to Nottingham which has unstable and unpredictable numbers.

The
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number
of
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houses
built in Derby increased
exponentially
from the
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year
2007 to 2008(an increase from 125 to 275
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
built). Nottingham made a decrease of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
built from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2007 to 2008(a decrease from 175 to 25
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
built).

Overall
, Derby
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
an increase of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
built throughout the years while Nottingham
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
an increase
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
, major decreases in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
built in
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
years.
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IELTS academic The number of houses built per year in the cities of Derby and Nottingham

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
141 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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