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Time spent on leisure activities by men and women between the age of 21 and 40, in the US. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words. Hours per week spent on leisure activities - men between the age of 21 and 40

The two diagrams illustrate the comparison of time consume during free time of US men and women between the age of 21 and 40. Overall, men spent their most free time with TV and internet while female spent their most free time with other leisures at home. Men spent their most free time with TV internet that followed by other leisures at home, socializing, eating out, cinema, pubs and then sports, walking; with the hour’s percentage of 16. 2%, 8. 6%, 4. 1%, 3. 3%, 1. 1% respectively. We can see TV and internet is one of the activities that have switch order between men and women in US. Women having other leisures at home higher than TV and internet and the order is reverse from Men. Men and women are both having sports, walking as the least hours percentage. Their hours percentage difference is very close. From the graph, we can also see the similar pattern between men and women where they both spent socializing more than eating out, cinema, pubs.
The two diagrams illustrate the comparison of
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time
consume during
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free
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time
of US
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men
and
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women
between the age of 21 and 40.

Overall
,
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men
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spent
their most
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free
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time
with TV and internet while female
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spent
their most
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free
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time
with other
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leisures at
home.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Men
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spent
their most
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free
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time
with TV internet that followed by other
Possible spelling mistake found.
leisures at
home, socializing, eating out, cinema, pubs and then sports, walking; with the hour’s percentage of 16. 2%, 8. 6%, 4. 1%, 3. 3%, 1. 1%
respectively
.

We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
TV and internet is one of the activities that have switch order between
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men
and
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women
in US.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
having other
Possible spelling mistake found.
leisures at
home higher than TV and internet and the order is reverse from
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Men
.
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Men
and
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women
are both having sports, walking as the least
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hours
percentage. Their hours percentage difference is
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very
close. From the graph, we can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the similar pattern between
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men
and
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women
where they both
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spent
socializing more than eating out, cinema, pubs.
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IELTS academic Time spent on leisure activities by men and women between the age of 21 and 40, in the US.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
172 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Time spent on leisure activities by men and women between the age of 21 and 40, in the US. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words. Hours per week spent on leisure activities - men between the age of 21 and 40