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The table and the illustration below give some information on sports injuries which lead to emergency hospital treatment.

The table and the illustration below give some information on sports injuries which lead to emergency hospital treatment. ElVnq
The table presents data on different kinds of sports which causes injuries in those aged 15 year old and older leading to emergency department for treatment. Overall, Australian football had the highest number of injuries while volleyball was inferior among the other sports. Rugby had the largest rate of hospital admissions for emergency treatment and Hockey had more injured players during competition or practice. The Achilles tendon is the most likely to sustain damage from all sports. The Australian football has the most number of injuries with 10, 122 and almost the same with the combined affliction of Soccer, Rugby and Cricket. Moreover, Netball is the sixth leading injury prone sports with 3, 098. Meanwhile, Hockey had about three times also four times than Martial Arts. The squash and volleyball are the last with the least injuries. However, the proportion of the sports injuries is related to the total number of Australian football at 24. 5% having about 12 times the numbers of volleyball. It varies when it comes to hospital admissions, Rugby had the largest rate at 10. 9% that that of the rate of Volleyball with 2. 2% along with Netball at 2. 5%, Hockey at 3. 2% and Basketball at 4. 1% below that of Cricket and Martial Arts rates. Australian football and Soccer were both under Rugby but squash had high rates of admissions despite low injuries to 6. 4% verses 1. 9% As to the place of damage, Achilles tendons had the most proportion of injury with 37% followed by shoulder injuries at 21% exceeding head and elbow at 13%. Knee affliction were the lowest at 2% less.
The table presents data on
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different
kinds of
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sports
which causes
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injuries
in those aged 15 year
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old
and older leading to emergency department for treatment.

Overall
, Australian
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football
had the highest
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number
of
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injuries
while volleyball was inferior among the other
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sports
.
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Rugby
had the largest
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rate
of hospital admissions for emergency treatment and Hockey had more injured players during competition or practice. The Achilles tendon is the most likely to sustain damage from all sports.

The Australian
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football
has the most
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number
of
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injuries
with 10, 122 and almost the same with the combined affliction of Soccer,
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Rugby
and Cricket.
Moreover
, Netball is the sixth leading
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injury
prone
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sports
with 3, 098. Meanwhile, Hockey had about three times
also
four
Use "(times)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
times
than Martial Arts. The squash and volleyball are the last with the least
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injuries
.
However
, the proportion of the
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sports
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injuries
is related
to the total
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number
of Australian
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football
at 24. 5% having about 12 times the
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numbers
of volleyball.

It varies when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to hospital admissions,
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Rugby
had the largest
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rate
at 10. 9%
Possible typo: you repeated a word
that that
of the
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rate
of Volleyball with 2. 2% along with Netball at 2. 5%, Hockey at 3. 2% and Basketball at 4. 1% below that of Cricket and Martial Arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
. Australian
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football
and Soccer were both under
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Rugby
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but
squash had high
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rates
of admissions despite low
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injuries
to 6. 4% verses 1. 9%

As to the place of damage, Achilles tendons had the most proportion of
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injury
with 37% followed by shoulder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
injuries
at 21% exceeding head and elbow at 13%. Knee affliction were the lowest at 2% less.
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IELTS academic The table and the illustration below give some information on sports injuries which lead to emergency hospital treatment.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
273 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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