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Three pie charts show the proportions of Korean video games in terms of gender, age, and best-selling games in 2003.

Three pie charts show the proportions of Korean video games in terms of gender, age, and best-selling games in 2003. JwMej
The given pie charts provide information about the amount of video games built in Korea in three categories (Age, gender, best-selling) in the year 2003. Generally speaking, as can be seen, the players in the age group of 18-35 had large proportion, while the people who has more than 35 years old have the lowest interest in electronic games. In addition, male spend most of their time on playing games and also action category had most popularity between players. The first pie chart reveals that individuals between 18-35 were more interested in games and they were 42% of all players. Adolescents, under 18 years old, accounted for 35% followed by people with more than 35 years by 23%. In terms of players gender, in 2003, 72% of players were men and only 28% of women played with digital games. Furthermore, Action games had 42% of best-selling games, whereas games located in the categories of role-play and education had the lowest amount with just 7%. Sport games were put in the second place with 21% and racing games by 17% located in the third place of the most selling games list in Korea.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie charts provide information about the amount of video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
built in Korea in three categories (Age, gender, best-selling) in the
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year
2003.

Generally
speaking, as can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
in the age group of 18-35 had large proportion, while the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
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has
more than 35 years
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old
have the lowest interest in electronic
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games
.
In addition
, male spend most of their time on playing
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games
and
also
action category had most popularity between players.

The
first
pie chart reveals that individuals between 18-35 were more interested in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
games and
they were 42% of all
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players
. Adolescents, under 18 years
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old
, accounted for 35% followed by
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people
with more than 35 years by 23%.

In terms of
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players
gender, in 2003, 72% of
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players
were
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men
and
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only
28% of women played with digital
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games
.
Furthermore
, Action
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games
had 42% of best-selling
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games
, whereas
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games
located in the categories of role-play and education had the lowest amount with
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just
7%. Sport
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games
were put
in the second place with 21% and racing
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games
by 17% located in the third place of the most selling
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games
list in Korea.
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IELTS academic Three pie charts show the proportions of Korean video games in terms of gender, age, and best-selling games in 2003.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
192 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
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