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These two pie charts illustrate the information about the reasons which make gender feel happy the most.

These two pie charts illustrate the information about the reasons which make gender feel happy the most. N3b8q
In general, women and men have different reasons that make them feel cheerful. Both of them say that financial security and achievement affect their feeling greatly. With the females, spending their time with family is the most relaxing way while the males enjoy supporting a successful sports team. In the details, just over a third of women says the family is the most reason that makes them happy. The third factor that affects enormously females is having a good appearance, with 11%. The number of men supporting a thriving sports team is just bigger than those who love participating in hobbies 1%, with 18% and 17% respectively. Being with family and good appearance constituted nearly half of the pie chart while doing hobbies and supporting a successful sports team add up to 35%. Regarding the same factors, what stands out from the graph is both women and men who agree that achievement at work is one of the reasons that make them happy is the same percentage, at 25%. The financial security of men is a bit bigger than women, with 15% and 12% in turn.
In general
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and
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men
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
reasons that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel cheerful. Both of them say that financial security and achievement affect their feeling
greatly
. With the females, spending their time with family is the most relaxing way while the males enjoy supporting a successful sports team.

In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over a third of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
says the family is the most reason that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them happy. The third factor that affects
enormously
females is having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
appearance, with 11%. The number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
supporting a thriving sports team is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
bigger than those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
participating in hobbies 1%, with 18% and 17%
respectively
. Being with family and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
appearance constituted
nearly
half of the pie chart while doing hobbies and supporting a successful sports team
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
up to 35%.

Regarding the same factors, what stands out from the graph is both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that achievement at work is one of the reasons that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them happy is the same percentage, at 25%. The financial security of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
is a bit bigger than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, with 15% and 12% in turn.
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IELTS academic These two pie charts illustrate the information about the reasons which make gender feel happy the most.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
186 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
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