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The vertical bar graph gives information about the number of deaths due to car crashes in USA in 2010 ad 2012

The vertical bar graph gives information about the number of deaths due to car crashes in USA in 2010 ad 2012 MMjG6
The bar graph illustrates information about how many people lost their lives in a car accident in a group of two months of 2010 and 2012 in the USA. Overall, it can be seen that the highest number of deaths happened in July-August of 2010, whereas in 2012, the most number of people died due to accident in September-October. The number of death remained unchanged in September-October of 2010 ad 2012 The number of mankind who died due to accident in the private vehicle was around 4000 in early months of 2010 then began to increase in next two months, whereas there was a slight increase in death from below 5800 in January-February to above 6000 in March-April of 2012. In May-June of 2010 and 2012, the number of people who lost their lives in four-vehicle was around 5800 and approximately 4800 respectively. In 2010, the number of people to die in the accident was almost similar around 6000 in both groups of month September-October and July-August, while the similar pattern and numbers noticed in the figure of same months of 2012. The death rate due to crashes of vehicles reduced from around 5400 to just above 4000 in November-December of 2010 and 2012.
The bar graph illustrates information about how
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many
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people
lost their
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lives
in a car
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accident
in a group of two
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months
of 2010 and 2012 in the USA.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the highest
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number
of deaths happened in July-August of 2010, whereas in 2012, the most
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number
of
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
due to
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accident
in September-October.

The
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number
of death remained unchanged in September-October of 2010 ad 2012

The
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number
of mankind who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accident
in the private vehicle was
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around
4000 in early
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months
of 2010 then began to increase in
next
two
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months
, whereas there was a slight increase in death from below 5800 in January-February to above 6000 in March-April of 2012. In May-June of 2010 and 2012, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who lost their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in four-vehicle was
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around
5800 and approximately 4800
respectively
.

In 2010, the
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number
of
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people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
in the
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accident
was almost similar
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around
6000 in both groups of
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month
September-October and July-August, while the similar pattern and
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numbers
noticed in the figure of same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
months
of 2012. The death rate due to crashes of vehicles
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
5400 to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above 4000 in November-December of 2010 and 2012.
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IELTS academic The vertical bar graph gives information about the number of deaths due to car crashes in USA in 2010 ad 2012

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
204 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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